Relationships – An understanding

Over the years, we have been subjected to movies, serials, family drama and many more to invite us into being in a relationship. Why do we need a partner in our life?

The need of a relationship of man and women or of the same sexes lies in the part of the individual. We cannot be alone for a long time and live in a society of differences. To have a partner who can listen to us, be with us and support us in our life makes a relationship necessary.

Marriage is only a part of the relationship but it is not the need in today’s age. We have many reasons to be married, security, fidelity, legal needs and more importantly a social status for the self. When these relationships are fulfilled one presumes that marriage is the best way to be in a relationship. But is that enough?

To be in a long lasting relationship, one has to be prepared for the challenges and the differences that the other will bring to the table. There are different aspects of a male and a female in a relationship and also in the same sex relationships, the need is the same.

The male personality in the relationship is what holds the union together from a security and financial role. The male personality brings forth the dominance and decisions that the union would need to take for different aspects in life. These personalities are more of the logical and methodical thinking, they are not very emotional and have a very pragmatic approach to life.

The female personality is a care taker and ensures the surroundings of the union is maintained for the emotional and mental serenity. These personalities are emotional, sensitive to talks and touch and have a more heart than head approach to life.

These personalities may exist in both the individuals in a relation but would have a dominated personality that would make them the male or the female personality in the relationship.

Understanding the personality would make the relationship more strong as one would realise their position in the relationship and could work with the other appropriately. We have a lot of other reasons for a person to want to be in a relationship but some of them are not as important as those mentioned above.

We have to look at a relationship as a need for a person to want a partner who can share all their secrets, their thoughts, their dreams and their physical needs without having to succumb to changing their core self. This is the basic need of a relationship and helps the individuals grow in their personality and their relationship too.

A person seeks another for the simple reason of security and comfort. Security for the materialistic and emotional support; and comfort for the one who can strengthen them in times of stress and anxiety.

When these two basic needs are met the bond of the relationship begins and starts to take shape. The next part of the relationship is to sustain and keep it lasting for time or “until death do us apart” scenario.

The maintenance of the relationship is an effort that both the individuals need to put forth to ensure there is harmony. This would entail helping the other with moral, emotional and physical support during the journey. It is not more of the male or less of the female support that makes a relationship, both have to equally contribute to the relation with their personality contributing to the responsibility and maturity required for the relation to last a lifetime or multiple lifetimes (as per the individual beliefs of reincarnation or life after death).

Each step in a relation would be a challenge to the one who is not prepared to understand the core of the relation and what it was formed for. Love is a drop in the ocean of a relation, the maturity of both individuals, sense of appreciation and more importantly the dependence on the other makes the relationship strong.

A relationship between friends would mean there are boundaries that one would keep in interacting with the other and the same applies to a love relation or a relation of benefits.

So why have a close relation when one would have friends to complete the need of social dependability?

The human body is unfortunately not made of the mind only and also has a body to support. The sexual needs of the body have to be addressed and the relationship formed is a core of the sexual needs of both the individuals. If this was possible among friends and there was an understanding of non-commitment then it would have worked among friends of the same or opposite sexes but we are humans and are selfish, we want things that cannot be shared. Especially, when we are in a relationship we treat the other half as our self and do not like to share them with anyone else. This gives rise to the need of fidelity, being in a monogamous and committed relationship. This bond of commitment with the two individuals gives the security and continuity required for the relationship to last the lifetime.

Understanding the mental and physical needs of the individual is key to keeping a relationship to last for a lifetime. Sometimes, the needs are met and over a period of time the two grow out of each other and do not see a need to be in a relationship, committed or not. The separation is evident as the beginning of the relationship was not clearly defined for each of the individuals to be together for the lifetime.

Breakups, divorce are some of the terms we use when the relationship turns sour and has an outcome of ending without continuity. The reasons for this will be shared in the next article to understand why a relationship breaks.

Of money or love

I was always on the cross roads to understand what life is about.

At the start of life, there is a lot of love and attention that we get showered from our parents, siblings, relatives, friends. Love becomes a need for us.

As we grow, the need changes to relationship, and in our adolescents we learn the ways of love with the opposite sex. The heartbreak, the emotional turbulence, the joy, the sadness and all in between.

Then we enter the phase of career and jobs. The act of relationship changes to Association. Love is measured by the amount you earn, relationship are forged not by the person but by the lifestyle we keep.

In India, we work very hard in getting married and we have to maintain social norms by getting married. The association is again not by the values a person has but by the lifestyle we lead. We choose a life partner not by their values but their Association of religion, caste, creed, colour of skin, lifestyle and sometimes we choose to break the line and do something different.

But in the end of the day, we lead our life by the dreams we had as a child. We create the life from a thought to the reality. In all this the question does arise. Was it for love or for money?

Only time will tell when we choose to make a difference in the lives of the person in the mirror and the truth. Life cannot be measured by love but by money. There is no love without money.

Harsh, as it may sound this is the truth of life. Not a single human soul exists without being judged for the amount of bank Balance they have or the property they manage.

It took me 37 years to learn this, I hope it helps you to learn it faster than me.

Happiness Quotient

hahahahahaah!!!!

Smile! Its the way to cure the sick, to bring out the love in a person and more importantly to make life more pleasant.

Are we able to be happy 24/7? Would it be possible?

Yes, we can be happy 24/7 and yes, it is possible.

You have to understand the reasons for the emotions in your life and why we chose to be the way we are today. For every good there is a bad and for every moment of happiness, there is a moment of sadness. 

Why?

Because there has to be a balance in the universe and without sadness, you will not be able to understand the quotient of being happy. So how can you be happy 24/7 when you are also needed to be happy?

The answer is to be happy for every moment that you will experience. There is no good or bad, you have to experience each part of life in it's entirety. The experience was gift from the universe for you to learn something new for your life and you can make the difference when you take the time to realise the reason for it's occurrence.

A while ago, I had read a message shared on whatsapp of a bird who was cursed and wanted salvation from the pain. It reads as shared below:

There was a bird who lived in the desert; very sick, no feathers, nothing to eat and drink, no shelter to live and kept on cursing his life day and night.

One day, an Angel was crossing from that desert, bird stopped the Angel and inquired ” where are you going?” Angel replied, ” I am going to meet God”.

So bird asked,” Angel, please ask God when my suffering will come to an end? Angel said, ” Sure, I will” and bid goodbye to the bird. Angel reached God’s place and shared the message of bird to Him.
Angel told Him how pathetic the condition of bird is and inquired when the suffering of the bird will end. God replied, “For the next seven lifetimes, the bird has to suffer like this, no happiness till then”.
Angel said,” When bird hears this, he will get disheartened. Could You suggest any solution for this?”
God replied,” Tell him to recite this mantra….Thank you God for everything”. Angel met the bird again and delivered the message of God to the bird.

After seven days, the Angel passed the same path again and saw that bird was so happy; feathers had grown on his body, a small plant grew up in the desert area, a small pond of water was also there, the bird was singing and dancing cheerfully. Angel was astonished as to how this happened as God said for seven lifetimes, there is no happiness for the bird’… with this question in mind, he went to visit God.

Angel asked his query then God replied, “Yes, it was written there will be no happiness for the bird for seven lifetimes but this has happened because the bird was reciting the mantra ‘Thank you God for everything’ in every situation”.

“When bird fell down on the hot sand, it said… ‘Thank you God for everything’, when it could not fly it said…’Thank you God for everything, so whatever the situation was, the bird kept on repeating…’Thank you God for everything’ and therefore the seven lifetimes’ karma got dissolved in seven days”.

The story gives us a perspective of our life and where we are heading. Do we have to curse ourselves for the negatives that happen or do we have to learn from the negatives and make it positive?

The cure to be happy is to able to smile for our own benefit and learn the reasons for the sadness in our life, accept our karmic progression and build our esteem from there on.

Come attend our one day workshop of Happiness - A Quotient and you will get to witness the best part of your life. Your Smile!

Relationships - A Need or Greed!

We are human beings born with the need of being closely associated with another being. It could be our parents, our siblings, friends or associates. But we have to be associated with someone. We have studied, played, worked,  laughed and cried with the people we are associated with and feel close to.

Over the last few decades, the machine has taken over this need and is distancing us from the people we chose to make us feel happy or smile. Our talks are now chats, our meetings are virtual, our relationships are online and our smiles are now smileys. This void is giving us the feeling of loneliness, even though we have a 1000 friends on facebook we are still yearning for time to smile with a single person. We may be sharing a lot of smiles, but we are yearning to smile in the real world.

When the distance is created we are creating a void within our self and this leads to more complicated lifestyles. Our mental disorder leads to physical ailments and there on to extreme behaviours. The blue whale game is the recent example. While the game is only the tip of the iceberg, there is a bigger problem in hand. Why are we attracted to the online web and get entangled in it where we stop to miss the real world and live an empty life.

How do we cure this problem?

We need to understand the base of a relationship and why we want to participate in the process. It can be with your parents, siblings, a lover or spouse, friends or colleagues in your work place. The disturbance in a relationship is caused when there is less respect for the individual and there is a drain of the love that is being received.

A relationship is on the basis of respect and sharing of love, not of asking for love. Be it with a relative or with an unknown. The more we learn to give in terms of time, attention, respect and trust, the stronger the relationship builds and that is the key to it.

Sometimes, our greed of selfishness is what causes the relationship to break down and make dents which lead to a broken relationship.

How do we understand where to draw the line?

TART strategy - Time Attention Respect Trust

Time - When you are with a person face to face, dedicate the time to the person for all that the said moment is worth.

Attention - Give the person all the attention that you can allow the person to make them feel comfortable in your presence

Respect - Respect them for their views, not necessary that you have to agree to it. But it is their thinking and we should choose to agree that we can have opposing views to a single point.

Trust - Trust your instincts to make the right decision when you are here and allow you to trust the person with the resources available to you and give them an opportunity to trust you too.

Not a process that can be incorporated in a day but we are creating the path for us to develop it better.

Connect with us to attend our 1 day workshop on building relationships to make this possible for you to achieve happiness in your relationship (Friendship, Marriage, Business, Parent-Child, Personal)

Life is for a smile, let's get some in our relationship too

Children of Grace

A son becomes a father, a father becomes a son. Three generations that can match as one when the three are met.

I am privileged to have a father that is of grace and a son who is an angel to my life. The warmth of my father's hand on my head and the hug of my son makes me feel life is worth for all that it gives.

I feel the love of my father to me when I see my son, a new found love has been created for my father in the love towards my son. The care and warmth he showed me as a child, the nurture and love that was a part of my daily life growing up is seen in the beauty that my son is being.

While I thank my father for making me a good human, I thank my son for making me realize how beautiful life is. He can laugh at the most silliest things and forgets the scolding he received in the least amount of time.

There is never a bitterness of the past and never a want of the future. He is always in the present living in the moment. No plans of tomorrow, no thoughts of the yesterday. Just a memory we sometimes recollect to have a smile and just a day to plan to go to the beach or the park or the mall.

The child is born with the grace of god and is the guidance for most of us parents. But most of the time, we choose to ignore the requests of the child in the maturity of our ego not our consciousness.

A child is the most conscious of his/her soul that we adults are ever to be. We choose to follow the way of life without realizing the duties of our soul. The growth of our bodies leads to the decay of our soul and its pain.

If we as adults were to imitate our children, this world would be a better place.

LOVE 7, choose 7 children whom you do not know to share the love with them. An orphanage would be a good place to start with. Be there with them, don't take goods and materials to make them happy. Share a game, a day, a time to make them happy. Let them know that there is a person who cares for them.

Just make a difference in 7 such children's lives and you will see the world will become a much more beautiful place.

Love 7, is the new way of life. Not for the world but for the child in us to be awakened and to make the soul conscious of our body and mind.

Love – An understanding

"I love you"

"I cannot live without your love"

"Your love makes me complete"

These are some of the most common phrases used to describe love. Yet we see a lot of divorce and separation taking place in the world and people around us.

Do we truly understand the meaning of this word,"LOVE"

As per the dictionary love means:

noun

noun: love; plural noun: loves

1.       a strong feeling of affection.

·         a strong feeling of affection and sexual attraction for someone.

·         affectionate greetings conveyed to someone on one's behalf.

·         a formula for ending an affectionate letter.

2.      a great interest and pleasure in something.

3.      a person or thing that one loves.

4.      (in tennis, squash, and some other sports) a score of zero; nil.

It has become as empty as its meaning, nothing specific and not a direct guide to what the meaning actually is.

The origin of the word is from a German and old English word lufu, which means "desire".

From the definitions shared above we should ask our selves what is the meaning of I love you as a statement. I desire you, I cannot live without your desire, your desire completes me.

Which would seem so worthless for the love to exist forever, the marriage or the relation is bound to end when love has such a shallow interpretation.

Love is about giving and sharing. Not about wanting or taking. A relationship only will last the test of time when there are two or more people who would want to keep giving love to the other instead of being desirous of an expectation from the other.

Love is then a beautiful word that can create ripples in our relation and the person who we want to share the emotion with. It also makes us conscious of who we should love and care for.

LOVE 7, spend 7 minutes of your day telling the person who you think you love, why you love them. It is less than a percent of the time in a day and yet these 7 minutes are going to make the change that your relation has a need for. The choice is in your hands.

You can make the difference by just letting the love flow from a receiving to a giving. From a wanting to an offering. The river flows towards the person and you will see a change in your life. The life that you dreamt of, the love that you wanted by giving the love without any expectation of want.

Love 7 will be your help to change the way you make your life and your relation so much better.

Making a difference

I have lived a life worthy of happiness, but yet there is anger, hate, jealousy, bitterness. The life that I can choose to make better is but a place that I can make sad and frustrating.

With the world making a turn for the worse, there is a motivation to be bitter and sad. Making each day ever more depressing than the previous. We have created a shell of resentment which gives us happy.

Making the blame possible because of someone around us or external to our self is so much more a way of life than a reason to change our selves. We are the reflection of our thoughts and our emotions. We make the difference only by being who we want to be.

The question then comes who am I? and what is the reason for such depression around us. The law of attraction states that what we think is what we receive. Then, why are there happy people who are sad? why is there grief in a family who is always doing good for others? what makes the world move with so much of hate and bigotry.

The answer to all these questions is with the person in the mirror. The person who wants to make it happen. You and I are the people who make terror exist, you and I are the cause of all that is happening in the world.

So make the difference. Stop promoting TV where there is hate, help someone who you do not know and make the difference. LOVE 7 spread the love to 7 people who you do not know and let them be a part of your life. Let them know that they are the reason for their smile. Then we have an epidemic of love that will spread to every corner of this earth to make the world a better and greener place.

When we choose to make love a residence of our soul, we choose to make the world a better and greener place, we choose to make a difference in the world we live it. The choice is to be of the individual to help others and in directly help the self by spreading the love to the masses and ensuring the love continues.

May we all start by smiling at the other irrespective of their caste, creed, colour, race, ethnicity or any other reason that we have created to differentiate each of us from the other.

Love 7 the mantra to make 7 people who we do not know to make the difference and that will make the change that we are looking for to happen. 

Love 7

Love 7

It is this life that we live and we live it only once.

The happenings in the world today make one depressed with the killings, the hate, the anger and the multitude of feelings that come when we look at the news channel. In all of this, we forget to look next to us.

The house we live in, the family we share our meals with, the office we go to, the transportation we use to reach our destinations.

There is so much of love and kindness around us, we just have to touch this one part of our lives to feel blessed and the we see our world change around us.

Love is not about receiving but about giving. If each one of us could time to express the gratitude and love we have for the other, we could see a change in our lives. There is only one person who can make the change and the person is "I".

Love 7, is not a thought or an obligation. It is the 7 minutes of the day that we can spare for our family, friends, relatives, associates or well wishers. The time we take to say a good thing about them.

Imagine if you have 7 people telling you good things about your self in a day, wouldn't that be a place of heaven for you. Would you like to make this heaven for someone you know.

Spend 7 minutes to say 7 things good about the person you know. Even if it is someone you hate or dislike you may spend sometime to say something good about the person in your mind. Do not have to go and say it in the open. You can have a conversation with yourself to say something good to them.

We can change the world and its misfortunes only if we change ourselves and the people around us.

Love 7

Why should I be a spiritual being?

A normal question that is asked by the multitudes is, “why should I be spiritual?” or “what is spirituality?”

It is explained with simplicity in a single statement, how would I want to be treated if I were to expect others to treat me in the same way?

Some of us without being aware are already following spirituality and are spiritual in our own nature. We do not have to visit temples, churches, mosques or any other religious place to be related to divine and follow divinity. We are beings blessed with the abundance of knowledge and power to make the best of ourselves. See the world around you that you live in and you will see the blessings that you are cherished with.

There is a lot of abundance in the fact of we as beings and spirituality have a connect. While we cannot see or feel the divine in the flesh, many of us have experienced the works of the divine in our daily lives. We have seen the bliss of nature and the acts of god without even realizing it.

Spirituality is very much different to religion, some have an understanding that spirituality is religion. Fortunately, none of the founders of the said religions ever mention or aim to create the religion that is being propagated and followed today. We are lambs of society. For we live in what we are told to believe and not what is being understood to be the truth. Those who chose to reason and understand the ways of god are the ones who are shunned and pushed away till it is a little too late to appreciate them when they were alive.

In simple, spirituality is the search of the divine within one’s self. The truth of the yin and yang within each of us. We do not have to compare or relate to anyone but our very own self. The true spiritual being is independent of all thoughts, words, actions and deeds. He/She lives in the bliss of making themselves happy without selfishness, greedy, bias, hate or treachery. There is nothing to want more than satisfaction in what they have or what they get.

If you find yourself in the description above, you can believe that you are spiritual and are part of the process where the awakening is happening for you and the people you associate with. Be happy and glorious in your existence and provide the space for the others around you to grow in their bliss and happiness. For then, we all would be spiritual, with or without knowing.

Past Present Future

A reason for our actions and our behaviours. Is this a question that ever pops in our minds?

We are groomed to be the mechanics in pointing fingers at everyone else but ourselves in blaming or sharing the reason for bad experiences in our lives. We ask god for answers, we ask friends or foes to be forgiven for their actions. At any time do we ask ourselves what is the reason or the root of the occurrences in our lives?

A philosophy on mankind prevailes, we are only what we think we are. There is no god, no creator, no life after death. We are just molecules of our own beliefs and there is no other creation.

To the said thought process, I have only one question to ask. How did we evolve from a molecule to a full grown human being? There are very few doctors or wise scientists or even google who have shared any answers that are worth recommending or reasonable.

The questions of the existence of a molecule are also slowly evolving. Where a particle in a molecule is being termed as, "The God Particle". Wonder where did come into a scientific particle?

I am yet to find a answer to what is the root of all sufferings in the world?

There are questions that have answers and problems that have solutions, it is up to the seeker to find the answer and interpret it in the best way possible. Is religion the cause of grief? Is envy the root of crime? Is greed the start of selfishness? Is the need of self financial success the need to make others poor?

So many questions that make our lives tense and create a sense of bewilderment to our existence. Why?

That's all the remains at the end, why? We walk without seeing where we are going. The path that is directed with hate, envy, greed, sloth, anger, lust and pride. If we were only able to relieve ourselves of this path and seek a clear and viable path. The opportunity for grief would not exist and there would not be a day of sadness in the life of the individual.

I have not been able to answer the question yet. Maybe you could help see the light. I have come across a theory of "Karma". To explain it simply, the seeds you sow are the fruits you reap. Just like a plant takes time to grow, the fruits of redemption or curse come at its own time. We are not aware of the happenings but nature and divine happenings are controlling our lives everyday. This is something one has to experience to be a part of the same thinking process.

Being in the karmic cycle, one understands the root of suffering in the world. Why would I be going through a bad phase when all of the world is having a good time? or are they really enjoying?

Karma has a history of your past and current lives, the seeds that you have sown have grown. If the seeds were planted in good soil, the fruits are cherished. If they were planted in bad soil, the fruits are definitely not liked or enjoyed. We then have to undergo a process of cleansing, a way to better the wrongs we have done and improve our life. The unfortunate part here is that religion teaches us to follow rituals and chants. To make ourselves beggars of mercy. But that is not what is to be done.

All we need to do, is to forget the past and create a happy present without any thought of the future. What this means is, to let go of our burdens and sins which we have created for ourselves and make way for a better today. While we create a happier today, our past slowly becomes a better memory adding to the good Karma in our lives.

About forgetting the thought of the future, without thinking about the circumstance, we do good deeds everyday. This leads to good karma added to our kitty to weigh out the bad karma we had sown in our past. The equation then becomes fairly simple, when we weigh our good deeds over our bad deeds, our present and our future suddenly shapes out better than we expect without the past influencing the fruits of our labour.

There was no need to follow rituals or chants, just the humble action in doing good without considering the circumstance of what the outcome will be. Thereby, giving the universe the opportunity to gift us with divine abundance.

Thoughts and Deeds

What you think is what you do!

How many times have we thought of something and it has happened differently?and how many times have we thought and it happened significantly similar.

I cannot imagine a world with no hope, no destiny, no thought. God has been our teacher, our motivator, our inspiration in many ways more than ever and yet we fail to understand his/ her teachings. We follow different paths to acknowledge him, some follow religions, some follow disciplines, some just appreciate him as the divine. There are so many names given to him that it would be less to mention.

And yet we are oblivious to the existence of a deeper power. In a recent interaction with a close friend, Christopher, who happens to be a very successful banker, we shared of our good times as children and as we grew up our destinies chose different paths of contentment. He went on to share that he did well because he dedicated his early years to the knowledge of the earth and the science around it. I on the other hand was more inclined towards the godly benefits of mankind and hence did not prosper as much as he did.

Surprisingly, my son, Rick came running to me and asked me to play ball with him in the backyard. He was insistent that I come and play as Christopher's son, Caldrin was not playing it right and he wanted to show him how to play it. We both made our way to the back yard and saw Christopher was catching the bat and staring at us with anger.

I asked him what was the matter and he was pointing fingers at Rick, saying he was not throwing the ball correctly. They were 5 years young, and were having their own interpretation of the game. Christopher and I looked at each other and gave a wryful smile. I made my way to where they were playing and followed the instructions of Rick. He was throwing the ball correctly and Christopher was not able to connect the ball to the bat. Christopher was almost immediate to shout and asked him to look at the ball and hit it. He did not move away from his comfort and share the comfort with Caldrin. Caldrin just looked at the ball and kept trying but was not able to connet it correctly, in disgust he threw the bat and started to walk away by banging his legs. His father only responded with more words of control and discipline.

I stared at him with an open mouth and did not know what to do. Rick came to me and asked why Christopher was shouting at Caldrin, he only wanted to help him. I had to make my stand clear to Christopher, shouting at children do not make them stronger it makes them weaker. I moved to Caldrin and warmed him with some kind words of praise and comfort. I offered to show him how to hit the ball, he was more than glad to try it with me.

I guided him to hold the bat and I held his hand to firm his grip on the bath, Rick went on to throw some balls at us and I asked him to pitch it slowly. We connected the ball to the bat and he was able to hit it well.

He went on to better it as the number of balls repeated itself and Rick was also delighted on his achievement.

Christopher was joyful on seeing the change in his son and patted him when he was done with batting. He retorted how important it was to concentrate on the ball and not to wander his mind. Caldrin just looked and him and looked away.

I had to explain to Chris that money could not buy him the respect of his son or let alone allow some respect towards him. He needed to spend time with his son and relate to his emotions and feelings with kindness. Formal education gives you the knowledge of everything else but of the self. There is a need to have the clear thoughts for it to manifest into better deeds.

His shouting and screaming was not going to help Caldrin in becoming a better human being, he would be just another robot of the worldly pleasures and becomings.

It is what we groom our children to be for a better tomorrow. No need in earning the millions of dollars when you are penniless in emotions.

Kiss with a Smile

I think every individual on this planet believes in Love. They may not believe in god or the government but love is one hidden power that crumbles the hardest of hearts and brightens the darkest of days.

The puppy love, the crush, the yearning of the touch for the person you are in love with. It is a magical feeling when it starts. Smiles are but a natural being because there is a lot of happenings in the inside. The late night talks just doesnt matter to the hours of sleep lost. The mobile bills just doesnt matter to the long talks. The walk in the park, beach or pavement is a walk in a garden.

Love has a funny way to make things seem more beautiful than what it was meant to be. And we all have had our share of that puppy love and the real love too. It can kill all the negativity that exists in one's mind and bring out the best in their performance and outlook to life. The smile it brings to each person is imaculate and beautiful to all its beings.

But have you ever stopped to think... No one can kiss with a smile. When you kiss, you loose your smile!

A kiss is the passion shared between two lovers. It doesnt matter who the lover is, the kiss is the most personal touch that two friends share that begins their journey into the depths of their emotions and to a life together(Hopefully!!) as lovers or couple.

When the start is without a smile, what ensures that the  journey will be with smiles forever. There is but a strong signal to suggest that the journey of life will be with hurdles and no smiles. It doesnt mean you dont have to enjoy the journey or that your partner is not right for you. It means you have to work to make it better.

Like a kiss, sometimes you have to make the first move and close your eyes. Touch, feel and let the magic happen. It is not without effort that a marriage or a relationship will build itself to the years of happiness in photographs. A lot of work and effort goes into it. 

Do you know that when you kiss, you loose around 7-9 calories a minute which glorifies the number to about 400-500 calories an hour. You loose weight in sharing time with your loved one. What better form of exercise can anyone suggest?

But like the calories lost, the relationship is building with every kiss that you share with your loved one. There is going to be effort and the effort starts with a kiss.

When Smiling in Bad times?

There is something about death, that sends shivers down our spine. We mourn and show case our sorrows with the passing of a loved one or acquaintance. Even though we are very well aware that we all have to pass away one day and yet we showcase a surprise to the event.

Birth is greeted with a smile but death is turned to a frown. I have asked this question to a number of people and have been given a number of reasonable answers like, “We will miss the person and their company”, “He/she was so young and was such a good child” and “The passing of the person is a mourning process for the family and friends”.

There is a thought that caused a break in me following these same principles and it goes something like this. We are always happy when something good or happy happens to us but we get depressed when things don’t go our way. Even if it is not as large as death by itself even the small things are treated with a negative and saddened thought. The loss of a job, losing a competition, getting robbed, being cheated or even yet being betrayed. These negative events make a dent in our thinking process and get us to a negative emotion which leaves us bare and frustrated to some extent. So why don’t we try to accept all these negative events in our lives with a smile?

My point is when something bad happens to you, celebrate it as it is a start of something new. Let me narrate an incident that happened to me personally and my reactions were all spontaneous and not to my understanding until much later.

In 2009, I was employed with a respectable company and out of the blue I realized I am being asked to leave the company due to downsizing and re-structuring. In the week that I lost my job, my wallet was stolen, Bike confiscated and helmet stolen. I was going through a bad incident  one after another and I did not realize why was it happening? So I stayed at home for over 2 weeks scared to step out of the house and have something else bad happen to me. In those two weeks I did some introspection and came to realize that it was my reaction to each individual event that got me more and more depressed and saddened. Let me recap step by step.

First I lost my job, I always knew the company was downsizing and I was going to be among the ones who are going to be asked to leave but yet I was saddened by it. In the dazed phase, I was travelling by the train in Mumbai and deep in thought of how my career would take shape from here was when my wallet was stolen. And I never realized it until I reached home when I went to change my clothes. A few days later, I was going to meet a friend about a job and in the process, I parked my bike at a no parking zone as I was late and had to meet him on time. I did not get a descent lead from there and on my return from his office, I was told that my bike was seized by the traffic police. I had to go the traffic police station and collect it from there. The next day I went to the mall to buy some items for the house and since I was on my bike, I felt I could leave my helmet on the bike, as no one would bother of stealing it from there. After the shopping, my assumptions were laid to test as my helmet was not to be found and none of the security guards had a clue what happened?

All these events were the cause of the reaction and process that started with me losing my job and being distracted from the rest of the world. Had I had the presence of mind and kept my calm and accepted the inevitable, there would have been no problem existent to make it worse. I would have definitely still lost my job but saved on my wallet being stolen, my bike getting confiscated and helmet stolen. One event caused three other negative events that led to more depression and me locking myself in the house for a period of recovery.

What would be preferable to be in a state of mourning or to pick up the sticks from where it had fallen and move on? Wouldn’t it be better to just turn the page and wait for a brighter day? Why create happiness? Instead, accept what is there in front of us for what it is worth and not get too attached to that event for longer than needed. Just be an observer to our own lives and move on.

Taking it back to my initial argument, why do we mourn during the death of a person? Why can we not celebrate their life for the time that they were there? Remember the good times and wipe away the bad times from our memories. It should be a thankful gesture that they are no longer required to live in a polluted world or work long hours to make a living or bow down to a boss who has no clue of your capabilities. Instead they are now resting for their time spent on this planet and hopefully are in a better place than what we currently are in.

Accept death as a matter of process and the circle of life. Nothing is permanent and nothing is forever. Life is but a matter of time for us on this planet. So while we accept life in its entirety lets think of how to accept death as well with a smile.

The Silent Goodbye

It never did matter what was said or the action done. She lay there in tears waiting for the touch of his hand and the warmth of his hug that was never to be.

It had been 3 years since they were married and had the said the "I Do". The occasion of one of the most remembered among the invited and it was a joyous occasion. Sharon had remembered the day she walked towards her husband to be, Keith and was so happy that they were going to be united in matrimony. Keith, had the smile that would have lit a thousand lights and was as happy as Sharon in having her by his side.

They had been dating for 3 years and the love had mushroomed from friendship of 8 years and then to the closeness of lovers and now fidelity in matrimony. They never thought the day would be a reality but it was to become their day of reckoning.

Keith was a man of love and had a number of flings before he knew that his search for the "one" had been futile and his best friend had always been the one. He was the one who was longing to get married but somehow did not like the girls that came into his life.

Sharon was the domestic, docile girl who was not the outgoing type. She loved to sit at home and cook more than going to restaurants for dinner with friends. She was always more lively when it came to creating things on canvas and on various crafts.

Keith and Sharon were out on a dinner when the he put the proposal during desert and she had a scoop of ice cream in her mouth which prevented her to answer or react. She had the blank face of a child when asked a question that they didnt know the answer to. She had known him for years and had a liking towards him but never professed it.

Her silence had woven a web in Keith's mind and he was not sure if he had jeopardized their friendship in the hope of sealing their relationship of friendship in matrimony. She called him 3 days later and shared her positive feedback to be by his side till death do them apart.

The reply was all that could and would make him a complete man, with love by his side, he felt the world was an oyster for him. They were married in a few months and their love was blooming with everyday that bore a new flower and a new reason for them to fall in love with each other again.

It was a love of the ages that was dawning on them. Until the fated evening....

Sharon was as usual cooking dinner and waiting for Keith to return home from work. It was the weekend and Keith loved the weekends, to enjoy with friends and family. She had prepared his favorite chicken dish and had the beers chilled to start on the evening celebrations. The mobile phone ring changed her life to be; it was her brother who was calling her and asked her where she was.

She felt weird to be asked where she was but replied she was at home and waiting for Keith to arrive. She confirmed before he could say anything that they would be meeting her on the Sunday afternoon at her mother's place for lunch. He replied he was on his way over to her place and would be there shortly.

He reached there with his mother whose eyes were sore from a lot of crying. Sharon was astonished to see her mother in the state and asked what was wrong. Her mother gestured her to sit and asked her brother to tell Sharon what had happened.

Her brother narrated how Keith was on his way home and he met with an accident. It was not his fault from the look of it but a truck driver had lost control of his vehicle and slammed into Keith's car from the back. the impact was so hard that the car was badly damaged. Keith was in the hospital and in the critical care unit.

Sharon trembled on hearing the news and rushed to the hospital with her mother and brother. She saw him there and was in tears at the state he was in. The doctors said he was on a watch for 48 hours and only god could help from here on.

She held him in her arms and stayed by him through his last breath. He didnt make it through the time given and said his goodbye in silence.

His silence was all that took for a goodbye that was otherwise said with a kiss and a hug that would crush her when he lifted her. The goodbye that he said everyday and the hello that was repeated in the same fashion, everyday for three years.

It never did matter what was said or the action done. She lay there in tears waiting for the touch of his hand and the warmth of his hug that was never to be, in the bed.

The Spirit of Success

I am simply amazed at the people I see around me everyday. The different facets of life that they come from and the work they do with the dreams which each one of them aspire for. Some of them have dreams for themselves and some dream for their families or loved ones. I happened to come across such an individual in a train journey in the local trains of Mumbai.

I had had a very bad day at work and all I wanted to do was reach home and get some rest so that I could face another day at work. I was in two minds whether to continue the job or to remain with the company to pursue my social career.

I boarded the train at Churchgate station which is the closest railway station from Nariman Point and on my way to Borivali. I was lucky to get the seat that would change the way I looked at life and the hurdles that came along with it. The train was fairly empty on a Saturday afternoon as the weekend had already started for most of the office goers. I took a window seat and sat starting out of the window and thinking of how I hated my job and the life that I was leading. Then they came in and sat right opposite me and were already in the midst of a conversation that I assumed had started sometime earlier.

There were two elderly gentlemen, Mukund and Salil, who were maybe in their late forties and were discussing about their lives and its problems. Mukund was explaining to Salil how his life was filled with problems. I was sitting in my own grief and didn’t want to hear another sob story from anyone to make me feel more disserted than I already was but I listened to their conversation since I had nothing better to do.

Mukund was describing the way he was married to a girl in his early twenties by an arranged marriage and after 5 years of marriage and a son of 2 years she passed away in a freak accident. Apparently, the driver was drunk and slammed into his wife when she was returning home late at night from her mother’s place. He couldn’t do anything to the driver since his father was in the high and mighty of the then ruling political party and had already threatened dire consequences if he had to pursue the case against him.

He was left with a 2 year old to take care of him and raise him on his own. A second marriage was out of the question as no girl wanted to be with a widower and would obviously not shower the same love on the child as his real mother. He took the responsibility of raising his child on his own and making sure he got all that he could give him.

It took a while before both of them had adjusted to the new life ahead of them. He had rarely cooked and cleaned the house or done any house hold chores as his wife had him pampered with just sitting and relaxing while she did the needful. Nor had he spent much time with his son in cleaning his diapers and making his meals. He was always the one who would put him to sleep or play with him while she would do the rest of the chores.

Working as an executive in a Multi-national company only gave him security of his job but really didn’t take care of the payments and the time that he could spend with his child. To add to it, his son had a weak immune system and was as notorious as hell. Mukund would be often called from his school telling him he is sick or injured himself. A single dad was no joke for him to handle and he was terrified. He thought of asking his parents to stay with him so that they could help with the nurturing and care of his son while he was away but that was not possible as they themselves were too old to take care of themselves. It resulted in years of running around from home to work and then from his school to various doctors who were poking into him and giving various medications to cure his son’s weak immune system.

Till the age of 7 he was always falling ill on regular intervals and his medical bills would always be a worry for Mukund. Apparently, all through it he had always kept his calm and never wondered of what the worst could bring. He had almost stopped meeting and greeting friends and all his other worldly pleasures had come to a standstill for that time. He was determined to raise his son and impart the affection of both the parents to him.

The thing that really inspired me was that all through this he and his son shared a bond that rarely a father and son would get to share in a normal family. His son went on to become a chef and was working in a leading star hotel and doing well for himself. Mukund said that his son was getting married in a couple of months and he was looking forward to it. Now he was busy with all the wedding preparations and was relieved that everything worked fine till now.

I was simply amazed on listening to this person who just managed to live an austere life for the love of his son and dedicated all his resources to let him live his dreams. He had none of his own and never in the whole conversation did he mention that he regretted anything except the loss of his wife. Although, he also stressed that because that happened he was drawn so much closer to his son that he may not have appreciated had his wife been alive today.

I did not know him from Adam but his synopsis of his life in the whole train journey made me realize the true meaning of success in life. I could never compare the success he achieved in raising and nurturing his son as a single parent with me who was leading a much more relaxed and convenient lifestyle.

The New Teacher

I have a 1 year young son and he has been teaching me everyday since he was born. I am proud to say that I am the student of my child.

He has the weird but unknown strength to be free of stress, fear, anger and hate. Not saying he does not throw a tantrum but it vanishes as soon as it arrives.

I was first set to the learning from children with my nephews, now 8 and 6 years young. They had the unknowing capacity to teach me to tell the truth and I always believed in speaking the truth from there on.Honesty

Lesson 1:
Smile no matter what: 
When he was 2-3 months young, he had the most beautiful smile on his face and he would manage to smile only by seeing or feeling his surroundings. He had the routine crying of wanting milk or change of diapers or wanting to sleep. But his other cries would always be followed with a smile, as though he was thanking the person for fulfilling his need. 

Even to date, he has the uncanny ability to smile after crying. He was never thought how to smile but his ability to bring a smile on the people around him, is unprecedented and holy.

This is the first lesson my child thought me

Lesson 2:
Forget the wrongs and learn to smile: 
He will never be angry with anyone for long. Even if they would shout or scream, which scares him the most. He would have the nerve to go to the person and tap them on their hand or legs and smile at them.

His gesture of love and kindness is noticed by all no one would appreciate that we have to do this in our daily lives as well. This is the Second lesson I learnt from him.

Lesson 3:
Love those who matter to you, NO Matter what:
As he started to grow, his naughtiness and pranks have started. From trying to break our mobile phones to putting almost everything in his mouth and hitting almost anything and anyone.

Every time he is scolded or corrected by me or my wife, he bursts into tears and goes to the one who scolded him. He will approach us and give us a hug and look of affection to say he is sorry. On seeing this, we unknowingly go into an apologetic process and make him smile. There on correcting him not to do it. There is no stopping on his ways and he continues to be scolded day in and night out but his way of not walking away from the one who matter to him, his parents has taught me a valuable lesson.

He has some knowledge of who we are and knows that we matter to him the most. No matter what happens, he refuses to let go of us and wants us even in anger and pain.

There are so many more that he keeps teaching us as we wake up each morning to be with him. 

"Child is the father of man", "A Child gives birth to a Mother" are sayings that are true to each and every letter in the sentence. We have been given the opportunity to be his parents and not the vice-versa. 

In Dad we trust!

I keep listening to songs that have an ode to their mothers, the way mothers have always cared for their children and family. But I rarely hear, see or read of how great fathers are.

There are times when I am touched with my fathers love for me and my sisters. He has a weird way of expressing his love and more often than not its over a conversation of cricket, politics or just some news event. His most used phrase of talking to me during my growing up days were, "Let's have a man to man talk". Sometimes he would use the same statement with my sisters as well which I felt was weird, as it should have ideally been, "Lets have a woman to man talk" or "Lets have a Daughter and father talk". 

A mechanical engineer by profession, he excelled in what he did. His engines, as my mother would say, was his first wife. He was always interested in what he did and never worked a day in his life. If I would ever ask about the engines, he would speak about it with pride and an enthusiasm of a boy who would have just learnt of the engines and was starting his career.

He has been the envy and pride of my and my sisters life, ever since I can remember. As a child he was a little aloof and we never got to know him well but as we touched our teenage years he would always be there and speak to us as a friend.

I remember a time during my internship at a hotel and I would work from day break till the wee hours of morning, barely getting 5 hours of sleep. We never met each other for about a week or so staying in the same house. One night when I came back at about 2 in the morning, he was lying on the couch half asleep and waiting for me. I asked him what was he doing up so late and not sleeping as he had to go to work the next day. He replied with all innocence, that he missed talking to me and he had not seen me the whole week. He had stayed up till late just to have a word with me and speak to me about my well being. It was heart breaking that he would do such an act. I was dumb founded and left with no words but just appreciation and gratitude for him.

He never asked anything of life and led the most austere life. His only passions were watching cricket, playing sudoku and having his evening drink. Every birthday, we would ask him what he wanted so that we could buy it for him as a gift from his children but he always gave a blank reply. Never asked for anything but would only give.

My father was always attached to all three of his children. We would always fight with each other to say that they were his favourites and dad would only favour them more than the other. Being the only son and having two sisters, I was ofcourse the favourite child of my father, or atleast that was what I had thought about until I saw him break down on my sisters wedding. For the first time in my life, I saw my father in tears and not willing to let go of her when she was leaving. He kept telling everyone that she was his pride and had given all his love to her to make her strong and bright. I just didnt understand why would such a strong personality would break down at this event. He was happy that she was married but it saddened him that she was leaving him to be a part of another home.

In all the years, I have known dad. He was always the rock that we lay our foundations on. He was strong in thought and knew exactly what he wanted and never asked for more. He would sacrifice for the sake of his family and made sure that we always got the best of what was available or afforded. 

Growing up with him, he has become more of a friend than a father. I dont know a better friend to have than him. Sometimes, we sit and share a drink in the evening and watch his favourite sport of Cricket. The irony is that I hate the game and dont understand why the country of a billion plus people are so crazy of this sport. I still make it a point to be updated with the sport in the little way I can to share the chat with him on the sport. Its nice when he gets excited when Tendulkar makes his mark and scores his runs. In Tendulkar's peak period, dad would not watch the match if he would get out at a low score. His theory was then, that if Tendulkar performs then India would win the match. The statistics spoke a different story years later. 

A few years ago, I was holidaying with my friends in Nasik and received a call in the afternoon from my mother that dad was undergoing angioplasty because he had a 90% blockage in one of his arteries. I was stone cold on hearing it and cancelled the complete trip to make my way back to Mumbai to be with him. I was nervous and anxious to know how and what had happened. In all my life, I cant remember many days when he ever fell sick or caught a fever. He was always the healthy kind with the heart of steel. Never moved by the change of weather or location. To hear that he was going into an operation to for it made me shiver while thinking of it.

I reached the hospital that night and heard the operation was successful and that there was nothing to worry about. He slept through the night and was bright fully surprised to see me wish him well early in the morning. I for one was just happy to see him smile and look alright.

I cant seem to get enough of him, he is the Rock and the stone that the family lives around. His love is only of giving and not asking. A man strong of faith and spirit, A man with the love and respect of his peers and family, A man who would not ask for anything more than he wanted, A dad in who we trust.