When Smiling in Bad times?

There is something about death, that sends shivers down our spine. We mourn and show case our sorrows with the passing of a loved one or acquaintance. Even though we are very well aware that we all have to pass away one day and yet we showcase a surprise to the event.

Birth is greeted with a smile but death is turned to a frown. I have asked this question to a number of people and have been given a number of reasonable answers like, “We will miss the person and their company”, “He/she was so young and was such a good child” and “The passing of the person is a mourning process for the family and friends”.

There is a thought that caused a break in me following these same principles and it goes something like this. We are always happy when something good or happy happens to us but we get depressed when things don’t go our way. Even if it is not as large as death by itself even the small things are treated with a negative and saddened thought. The loss of a job, losing a competition, getting robbed, being cheated or even yet being betrayed. These negative events make a dent in our thinking process and get us to a negative emotion which leaves us bare and frustrated to some extent. So why don’t we try to accept all these negative events in our lives with a smile?

My point is when something bad happens to you, celebrate it as it is a start of something new. Let me narrate an incident that happened to me personally and my reactions were all spontaneous and not to my understanding until much later.

In 2009, I was employed with a respectable company and out of the blue I realized I am being asked to leave the company due to downsizing and re-structuring. In the week that I lost my job, my wallet was stolen, Bike confiscated and helmet stolen. I was going through a bad incident  one after another and I did not realize why was it happening? So I stayed at home for over 2 weeks scared to step out of the house and have something else bad happen to me. In those two weeks I did some introspection and came to realize that it was my reaction to each individual event that got me more and more depressed and saddened. Let me recap step by step.

First I lost my job, I always knew the company was downsizing and I was going to be among the ones who are going to be asked to leave but yet I was saddened by it. In the dazed phase, I was travelling by the train in Mumbai and deep in thought of how my career would take shape from here was when my wallet was stolen. And I never realized it until I reached home when I went to change my clothes. A few days later, I was going to meet a friend about a job and in the process, I parked my bike at a no parking zone as I was late and had to meet him on time. I did not get a descent lead from there and on my return from his office, I was told that my bike was seized by the traffic police. I had to go the traffic police station and collect it from there. The next day I went to the mall to buy some items for the house and since I was on my bike, I felt I could leave my helmet on the bike, as no one would bother of stealing it from there. After the shopping, my assumptions were laid to test as my helmet was not to be found and none of the security guards had a clue what happened?

All these events were the cause of the reaction and process that started with me losing my job and being distracted from the rest of the world. Had I had the presence of mind and kept my calm and accepted the inevitable, there would have been no problem existent to make it worse. I would have definitely still lost my job but saved on my wallet being stolen, my bike getting confiscated and helmet stolen. One event caused three other negative events that led to more depression and me locking myself in the house for a period of recovery.

What would be preferable to be in a state of mourning or to pick up the sticks from where it had fallen and move on? Wouldn’t it be better to just turn the page and wait for a brighter day? Why create happiness? Instead, accept what is there in front of us for what it is worth and not get too attached to that event for longer than needed. Just be an observer to our own lives and move on.

Taking it back to my initial argument, why do we mourn during the death of a person? Why can we not celebrate their life for the time that they were there? Remember the good times and wipe away the bad times from our memories. It should be a thankful gesture that they are no longer required to live in a polluted world or work long hours to make a living or bow down to a boss who has no clue of your capabilities. Instead they are now resting for their time spent on this planet and hopefully are in a better place than what we currently are in.

Accept death as a matter of process and the circle of life. Nothing is permanent and nothing is forever. Life is but a matter of time for us on this planet. So while we accept life in its entirety lets think of how to accept death as well with a smile.

The Spirit of Success

I am simply amazed at the people I see around me everyday. The different facets of life that they come from and the work they do with the dreams which each one of them aspire for. Some of them have dreams for themselves and some dream for their families or loved ones. I happened to come across such an individual in a train journey in the local trains of Mumbai.

I had had a very bad day at work and all I wanted to do was reach home and get some rest so that I could face another day at work. I was in two minds whether to continue the job or to remain with the company to pursue my social career.

I boarded the train at Churchgate station which is the closest railway station from Nariman Point and on my way to Borivali. I was lucky to get the seat that would change the way I looked at life and the hurdles that came along with it. The train was fairly empty on a Saturday afternoon as the weekend had already started for most of the office goers. I took a window seat and sat starting out of the window and thinking of how I hated my job and the life that I was leading. Then they came in and sat right opposite me and were already in the midst of a conversation that I assumed had started sometime earlier.

There were two elderly gentlemen, Mukund and Salil, who were maybe in their late forties and were discussing about their lives and its problems. Mukund was explaining to Salil how his life was filled with problems. I was sitting in my own grief and didn’t want to hear another sob story from anyone to make me feel more disserted than I already was but I listened to their conversation since I had nothing better to do.

Mukund was describing the way he was married to a girl in his early twenties by an arranged marriage and after 5 years of marriage and a son of 2 years she passed away in a freak accident. Apparently, the driver was drunk and slammed into his wife when she was returning home late at night from her mother’s place. He couldn’t do anything to the driver since his father was in the high and mighty of the then ruling political party and had already threatened dire consequences if he had to pursue the case against him.

He was left with a 2 year old to take care of him and raise him on his own. A second marriage was out of the question as no girl wanted to be with a widower and would obviously not shower the same love on the child as his real mother. He took the responsibility of raising his child on his own and making sure he got all that he could give him.

It took a while before both of them had adjusted to the new life ahead of them. He had rarely cooked and cleaned the house or done any house hold chores as his wife had him pampered with just sitting and relaxing while she did the needful. Nor had he spent much time with his son in cleaning his diapers and making his meals. He was always the one who would put him to sleep or play with him while she would do the rest of the chores.

Working as an executive in a Multi-national company only gave him security of his job but really didn’t take care of the payments and the time that he could spend with his child. To add to it, his son had a weak immune system and was as notorious as hell. Mukund would be often called from his school telling him he is sick or injured himself. A single dad was no joke for him to handle and he was terrified. He thought of asking his parents to stay with him so that they could help with the nurturing and care of his son while he was away but that was not possible as they themselves were too old to take care of themselves. It resulted in years of running around from home to work and then from his school to various doctors who were poking into him and giving various medications to cure his son’s weak immune system.

Till the age of 7 he was always falling ill on regular intervals and his medical bills would always be a worry for Mukund. Apparently, all through it he had always kept his calm and never wondered of what the worst could bring. He had almost stopped meeting and greeting friends and all his other worldly pleasures had come to a standstill for that time. He was determined to raise his son and impart the affection of both the parents to him.

The thing that really inspired me was that all through this he and his son shared a bond that rarely a father and son would get to share in a normal family. His son went on to become a chef and was working in a leading star hotel and doing well for himself. Mukund said that his son was getting married in a couple of months and he was looking forward to it. Now he was busy with all the wedding preparations and was relieved that everything worked fine till now.

I was simply amazed on listening to this person who just managed to live an austere life for the love of his son and dedicated all his resources to let him live his dreams. He had none of his own and never in the whole conversation did he mention that he regretted anything except the loss of his wife. Although, he also stressed that because that happened he was drawn so much closer to his son that he may not have appreciated had his wife been alive today.

I did not know him from Adam but his synopsis of his life in the whole train journey made me realize the true meaning of success in life. I could never compare the success he achieved in raising and nurturing his son as a single parent with me who was leading a much more relaxed and convenient lifestyle.

When in Time...

There is a time… when you want to rhyme. A day in our lives and we feel the world is a bed of roses the path we take is laden with gems and jewels of all colours, the air we breathe is rich and full. The touch of people is obsolete and the taste of food is exaggerated in our tongues.

I am sure we have had this feeling at some point in our lives. It might have been towards another person, towards an achievement or towards some materialistic pleasure that we were gifted. The point of the matter is the feeling.

Now go to the time when you were completely dejected by a thought, a dream or an event. Can we replicate the same feeling when the world around us crumbles? When the walls of happiness start to fade away and the cracks in the paints are seen? Why do we feel bad and loose hope when the things around us are at its worst?

I have witnessed an elongated event that lasted for about 20 months in my life and the factors that seemed irrelevant in my life started to hit me and hit me hard.

I was subjected to being without employment for a while and in the start it was a welcome break as it had been a while since I had time out for myself and I made the maximum use of my time without a minute spent in wallowing my miseries. The months started to wear on and it had become a year that I was without any employment and the eventuality of getting employment was seeming like a distant reality.

The applications were unanswered or were replied with dejecting responses. Failure had become my bride and the world was not ready to accept me when I was down. The few close friends and well wishers would always say, “Don’t worry, everything will be fine. It will just take some time”. In my mind, I always wondered when will that so called time come for me, it was not that I was not qualified or experienced. I am a post graduate and have a string of certifications attached to my name.

The qualifications at time were the reason why the rejections would happen and sometimes it was a step in to the world beyond. The world of employment! It came to a point when I was dejected and depressed, various thoughts and options entered my mind on how to start earning once again.

I tried to become an entrepreneur but realized getting finances from well wishers or family was a task similar to going to the next galaxy. That bombed! Tried various other options and that too was left with little acceptability, it was a crazy world. All hell had broken loose around me and the feeling was of a looser.

The thoughts of suicide and the reasons of being drowned in alcohol had become eventual. I started to borrow money from the same friends and well wishers who were there to help me. Lies became a way of life. I was deep in debt and no revenue source was visible. I had become an alcoholic. I was in need of being in another world and the real world was disturbing and difficult to deal with. There was a slip in my thinking and there was no other way of living life. I knew I was letting go and had to get myself to get a grip of my life and get a way of living in the real world.

That’s when I remembered the times when life was breeze the good days that were lived and enjoyed. The reasons why the enjoyment had been so much more better than ever. When everyday was lived for the day and the tomorrow was a distance away. The thought of happiness started to creep in me. The memories of yesterday gave me the will to live and fight on. No matter what the world would say and how they would look at it. I had to make a way of seeing the things in my sight and not the worlds.

It took me a week to get out of the so called DEPRESSION and I was back on my feet. With the 19 months gone by, I took it in me that within a month I will get a deserving employment opportunity. And I ventured into the market once again. It took me a week or so to start getting interview calls and within two weeks I was in a soup of choosing between jobs. I was back in the game. The feeling and the attitude changed.

I chose a place where I felt I could be happy and wouldn’t feel like working anymore. I settled in it and now it has been 3 years, I have not worked a day in my employment. I enjoy each day as it comes, the weekends spent in the company of the friends and well-wishers who were there and supported me when I was down and out. The days are beautiful and nights a excellent. Life has its ups and downs but I guarantee that with the right attitude one can make the nights seem like day….

College Vs Work

The days of college are never forgotten. But the irony was that when we were in college we couldnt wait to start working and earning a living and now that we are in the working environment we yearn for the days of the college. Why is it that we yearn for the college days?

Those were the times when friends were friends, when help was always round the corner. There was never a time when someone would try to make the day bad for you unless you were in some wrong group. The times when we were short of cash and borrowed some to have that extra drink or smoke at night with the gang. The times when because of the limited amount of resources, we would share a single cigarette among 8 of us or if we couldn't afford cigarettes we would graduate to a biddi or two. It was a time of glorious fun and time of forgetting the worries. And now, there is no time for the same friends to keep in touch. The splurging of money to show their peers how well they are doing in life with the cars and houses that they buy. The jealousy among the same friends who would once share clothes because they didnt have enough money to wash them or that they looked good on the other. The other colleague in the office who is eyeing your job and wants to show off to prove you wrong. The boss who is scared if he/ she promotes you his/her job will be at stake. The constant politics and games played at the work place!!

Classes were made to bunk or sleep in, rarely did anyone actually pay attention to a lecture and the tutors were always worried what would happen to the people after they graduated. Exams were something of no worries, a last minute study and the chits made to make sure that if someone doesnt know the answer we pass it on to the other and share the marks and the answer sheets. And now, the office is filled with people who are rooting for your doom. Help is in the form of crushing you and getting into your seat, there is no trust or belief in the other person next to you. The same competition that made good friends in college is now making you a enemy of the colleague you work in with greed, envy and jealousy being a part of the relation shared.

College was a time of no complications. There was always the girl/boy who you liked and the first time proposal that you planned on making but were scared to approach. The first time you said the three words and the world was bouncing all around you. The sheer joy and ecstacy of holding the others hand and going for a walk or a movie or sharing a sandwich at the college canteen. If you proposed a girl/boy the answer would either be a yes or no and a very simple no thank you or a yes. But now after college you want to get married and there are a thousand questions that have to be answered. Is he/she from the same community, what caste, creed or religion is he/she from? What do his/her parents do? where are his/her siblings? blah blah blah blah.... the complications of a simple relation.... not only is the start of the relation so difficult the complications of the wedding day and the rituals to followed, the wants of both the sides of the family and the relatives. And then the marriage starts with the wants and expectation of both the girl and the boy changing and the COMPROMISE and ADJUSTMENTS start for both the sides!

Where was the simple and easy life when college was on in comparison to what life is now treating us with? I sometimes wonder if this need of envy, jealousy and greed of materialism would get us anywhere at any time. There are so many things out there for us to enjoy but the green monkey is always on our back to remind us of its importance and how we cannot live without it!!!

This is the irony and the symphony of life. So its addios to the wonderful college life and hello to a life in the rat race. In a way we have become rats in life as well!!!