Thoughts and Deeds

What you think is what you do!

How many times have we thought of something and it has happened differently?and how many times have we thought and it happened significantly similar.

I cannot imagine a world with no hope, no destiny, no thought. God has been our teacher, our motivator, our inspiration in many ways more than ever and yet we fail to understand his/ her teachings. We follow different paths to acknowledge him, some follow religions, some follow disciplines, some just appreciate him as the divine. There are so many names given to him that it would be less to mention.

And yet we are oblivious to the existence of a deeper power. In a recent interaction with a close friend, Christopher, who happens to be a very successful banker, we shared of our good times as children and as we grew up our destinies chose different paths of contentment. He went on to share that he did well because he dedicated his early years to the knowledge of the earth and the science around it. I on the other hand was more inclined towards the godly benefits of mankind and hence did not prosper as much as he did.

Surprisingly, my son, Rick came running to me and asked me to play ball with him in the backyard. He was insistent that I come and play as Christopher's son, Caldrin was not playing it right and he wanted to show him how to play it. We both made our way to the back yard and saw Christopher was catching the bat and staring at us with anger.

I asked him what was the matter and he was pointing fingers at Rick, saying he was not throwing the ball correctly. They were 5 years young, and were having their own interpretation of the game. Christopher and I looked at each other and gave a wryful smile. I made my way to where they were playing and followed the instructions of Rick. He was throwing the ball correctly and Christopher was not able to connect the ball to the bat. Christopher was almost immediate to shout and asked him to look at the ball and hit it. He did not move away from his comfort and share the comfort with Caldrin. Caldrin just looked at the ball and kept trying but was not able to connet it correctly, in disgust he threw the bat and started to walk away by banging his legs. His father only responded with more words of control and discipline.

I stared at him with an open mouth and did not know what to do. Rick came to me and asked why Christopher was shouting at Caldrin, he only wanted to help him. I had to make my stand clear to Christopher, shouting at children do not make them stronger it makes them weaker. I moved to Caldrin and warmed him with some kind words of praise and comfort. I offered to show him how to hit the ball, he was more than glad to try it with me.

I guided him to hold the bat and I held his hand to firm his grip on the bath, Rick went on to throw some balls at us and I asked him to pitch it slowly. We connected the ball to the bat and he was able to hit it well.

He went on to better it as the number of balls repeated itself and Rick was also delighted on his achievement.

Christopher was joyful on seeing the change in his son and patted him when he was done with batting. He retorted how important it was to concentrate on the ball and not to wander his mind. Caldrin just looked and him and looked away.

I had to explain to Chris that money could not buy him the respect of his son or let alone allow some respect towards him. He needed to spend time with his son and relate to his emotions and feelings with kindness. Formal education gives you the knowledge of everything else but of the self. There is a need to have the clear thoughts for it to manifest into better deeds.

His shouting and screaming was not going to help Caldrin in becoming a better human being, he would be just another robot of the worldly pleasures and becomings.

It is what we groom our children to be for a better tomorrow. No need in earning the millions of dollars when you are penniless in emotions.

The Spirit of Success

I am simply amazed at the people I see around me everyday. The different facets of life that they come from and the work they do with the dreams which each one of them aspire for. Some of them have dreams for themselves and some dream for their families or loved ones. I happened to come across such an individual in a train journey in the local trains of Mumbai.

I had had a very bad day at work and all I wanted to do was reach home and get some rest so that I could face another day at work. I was in two minds whether to continue the job or to remain with the company to pursue my social career.

I boarded the train at Churchgate station which is the closest railway station from Nariman Point and on my way to Borivali. I was lucky to get the seat that would change the way I looked at life and the hurdles that came along with it. The train was fairly empty on a Saturday afternoon as the weekend had already started for most of the office goers. I took a window seat and sat starting out of the window and thinking of how I hated my job and the life that I was leading. Then they came in and sat right opposite me and were already in the midst of a conversation that I assumed had started sometime earlier.

There were two elderly gentlemen, Mukund and Salil, who were maybe in their late forties and were discussing about their lives and its problems. Mukund was explaining to Salil how his life was filled with problems. I was sitting in my own grief and didn’t want to hear another sob story from anyone to make me feel more disserted than I already was but I listened to their conversation since I had nothing better to do.

Mukund was describing the way he was married to a girl in his early twenties by an arranged marriage and after 5 years of marriage and a son of 2 years she passed away in a freak accident. Apparently, the driver was drunk and slammed into his wife when she was returning home late at night from her mother’s place. He couldn’t do anything to the driver since his father was in the high and mighty of the then ruling political party and had already threatened dire consequences if he had to pursue the case against him.

He was left with a 2 year old to take care of him and raise him on his own. A second marriage was out of the question as no girl wanted to be with a widower and would obviously not shower the same love on the child as his real mother. He took the responsibility of raising his child on his own and making sure he got all that he could give him.

It took a while before both of them had adjusted to the new life ahead of them. He had rarely cooked and cleaned the house or done any house hold chores as his wife had him pampered with just sitting and relaxing while she did the needful. Nor had he spent much time with his son in cleaning his diapers and making his meals. He was always the one who would put him to sleep or play with him while she would do the rest of the chores.

Working as an executive in a Multi-national company only gave him security of his job but really didn’t take care of the payments and the time that he could spend with his child. To add to it, his son had a weak immune system and was as notorious as hell. Mukund would be often called from his school telling him he is sick or injured himself. A single dad was no joke for him to handle and he was terrified. He thought of asking his parents to stay with him so that they could help with the nurturing and care of his son while he was away but that was not possible as they themselves were too old to take care of themselves. It resulted in years of running around from home to work and then from his school to various doctors who were poking into him and giving various medications to cure his son’s weak immune system.

Till the age of 7 he was always falling ill on regular intervals and his medical bills would always be a worry for Mukund. Apparently, all through it he had always kept his calm and never wondered of what the worst could bring. He had almost stopped meeting and greeting friends and all his other worldly pleasures had come to a standstill for that time. He was determined to raise his son and impart the affection of both the parents to him.

The thing that really inspired me was that all through this he and his son shared a bond that rarely a father and son would get to share in a normal family. His son went on to become a chef and was working in a leading star hotel and doing well for himself. Mukund said that his son was getting married in a couple of months and he was looking forward to it. Now he was busy with all the wedding preparations and was relieved that everything worked fine till now.

I was simply amazed on listening to this person who just managed to live an austere life for the love of his son and dedicated all his resources to let him live his dreams. He had none of his own and never in the whole conversation did he mention that he regretted anything except the loss of his wife. Although, he also stressed that because that happened he was drawn so much closer to his son that he may not have appreciated had his wife been alive today.

I did not know him from Adam but his synopsis of his life in the whole train journey made me realize the true meaning of success in life. I could never compare the success he achieved in raising and nurturing his son as a single parent with me who was leading a much more relaxed and convenient lifestyle.

The New Teacher

I have a 1 year young son and he has been teaching me everyday since he was born. I am proud to say that I am the student of my child.

He has the weird but unknown strength to be free of stress, fear, anger and hate. Not saying he does not throw a tantrum but it vanishes as soon as it arrives.

I was first set to the learning from children with my nephews, now 8 and 6 years young. They had the unknowing capacity to teach me to tell the truth and I always believed in speaking the truth from there on.Honesty

Lesson 1:
Smile no matter what: 
When he was 2-3 months young, he had the most beautiful smile on his face and he would manage to smile only by seeing or feeling his surroundings. He had the routine crying of wanting milk or change of diapers or wanting to sleep. But his other cries would always be followed with a smile, as though he was thanking the person for fulfilling his need. 

Even to date, he has the uncanny ability to smile after crying. He was never thought how to smile but his ability to bring a smile on the people around him, is unprecedented and holy.

This is the first lesson my child thought me

Lesson 2:
Forget the wrongs and learn to smile: 
He will never be angry with anyone for long. Even if they would shout or scream, which scares him the most. He would have the nerve to go to the person and tap them on their hand or legs and smile at them.

His gesture of love and kindness is noticed by all no one would appreciate that we have to do this in our daily lives as well. This is the Second lesson I learnt from him.

Lesson 3:
Love those who matter to you, NO Matter what:
As he started to grow, his naughtiness and pranks have started. From trying to break our mobile phones to putting almost everything in his mouth and hitting almost anything and anyone.

Every time he is scolded or corrected by me or my wife, he bursts into tears and goes to the one who scolded him. He will approach us and give us a hug and look of affection to say he is sorry. On seeing this, we unknowingly go into an apologetic process and make him smile. There on correcting him not to do it. There is no stopping on his ways and he continues to be scolded day in and night out but his way of not walking away from the one who matter to him, his parents has taught me a valuable lesson.

He has some knowledge of who we are and knows that we matter to him the most. No matter what happens, he refuses to let go of us and wants us even in anger and pain.

There are so many more that he keeps teaching us as we wake up each morning to be with him. 

"Child is the father of man", "A Child gives birth to a Mother" are sayings that are true to each and every letter in the sentence. We have been given the opportunity to be his parents and not the vice-versa. 

In Dad we trust!

I keep listening to songs that have an ode to their mothers, the way mothers have always cared for their children and family. But I rarely hear, see or read of how great fathers are.

There are times when I am touched with my fathers love for me and my sisters. He has a weird way of expressing his love and more often than not its over a conversation of cricket, politics or just some news event. His most used phrase of talking to me during my growing up days were, "Let's have a man to man talk". Sometimes he would use the same statement with my sisters as well which I felt was weird, as it should have ideally been, "Lets have a woman to man talk" or "Lets have a Daughter and father talk". 

A mechanical engineer by profession, he excelled in what he did. His engines, as my mother would say, was his first wife. He was always interested in what he did and never worked a day in his life. If I would ever ask about the engines, he would speak about it with pride and an enthusiasm of a boy who would have just learnt of the engines and was starting his career.

He has been the envy and pride of my and my sisters life, ever since I can remember. As a child he was a little aloof and we never got to know him well but as we touched our teenage years he would always be there and speak to us as a friend.

I remember a time during my internship at a hotel and I would work from day break till the wee hours of morning, barely getting 5 hours of sleep. We never met each other for about a week or so staying in the same house. One night when I came back at about 2 in the morning, he was lying on the couch half asleep and waiting for me. I asked him what was he doing up so late and not sleeping as he had to go to work the next day. He replied with all innocence, that he missed talking to me and he had not seen me the whole week. He had stayed up till late just to have a word with me and speak to me about my well being. It was heart breaking that he would do such an act. I was dumb founded and left with no words but just appreciation and gratitude for him.

He never asked anything of life and led the most austere life. His only passions were watching cricket, playing sudoku and having his evening drink. Every birthday, we would ask him what he wanted so that we could buy it for him as a gift from his children but he always gave a blank reply. Never asked for anything but would only give.

My father was always attached to all three of his children. We would always fight with each other to say that they were his favourites and dad would only favour them more than the other. Being the only son and having two sisters, I was ofcourse the favourite child of my father, or atleast that was what I had thought about until I saw him break down on my sisters wedding. For the first time in my life, I saw my father in tears and not willing to let go of her when she was leaving. He kept telling everyone that she was his pride and had given all his love to her to make her strong and bright. I just didnt understand why would such a strong personality would break down at this event. He was happy that she was married but it saddened him that she was leaving him to be a part of another home.

In all the years, I have known dad. He was always the rock that we lay our foundations on. He was strong in thought and knew exactly what he wanted and never asked for more. He would sacrifice for the sake of his family and made sure that we always got the best of what was available or afforded. 

Growing up with him, he has become more of a friend than a father. I dont know a better friend to have than him. Sometimes, we sit and share a drink in the evening and watch his favourite sport of Cricket. The irony is that I hate the game and dont understand why the country of a billion plus people are so crazy of this sport. I still make it a point to be updated with the sport in the little way I can to share the chat with him on the sport. Its nice when he gets excited when Tendulkar makes his mark and scores his runs. In Tendulkar's peak period, dad would not watch the match if he would get out at a low score. His theory was then, that if Tendulkar performs then India would win the match. The statistics spoke a different story years later. 

A few years ago, I was holidaying with my friends in Nasik and received a call in the afternoon from my mother that dad was undergoing angioplasty because he had a 90% blockage in one of his arteries. I was stone cold on hearing it and cancelled the complete trip to make my way back to Mumbai to be with him. I was nervous and anxious to know how and what had happened. In all my life, I cant remember many days when he ever fell sick or caught a fever. He was always the healthy kind with the heart of steel. Never moved by the change of weather or location. To hear that he was going into an operation to for it made me shiver while thinking of it.

I reached the hospital that night and heard the operation was successful and that there was nothing to worry about. He slept through the night and was bright fully surprised to see me wish him well early in the morning. I for one was just happy to see him smile and look alright.

I cant seem to get enough of him, he is the Rock and the stone that the family lives around. His love is only of giving and not asking. A man strong of faith and spirit, A man with the love and respect of his peers and family, A man who would not ask for anything more than he wanted, A dad in who we trust.