Relationships – An understanding

Over the years, we have been subjected to movies, serials, family drama and many more to invite us into being in a relationship. Why do we need a partner in our life?

The need of a relationship of man and women or of the same sexes lies in the part of the individual. We cannot be alone for a long time and live in a society of differences. To have a partner who can listen to us, be with us and support us in our life makes a relationship necessary.

Marriage is only a part of the relationship but it is not the need in today’s age. We have many reasons to be married, security, fidelity, legal needs and more importantly a social status for the self. When these relationships are fulfilled one presumes that marriage is the best way to be in a relationship. But is that enough?

To be in a long lasting relationship, one has to be prepared for the challenges and the differences that the other will bring to the table. There are different aspects of a male and a female in a relationship and also in the same sex relationships, the need is the same.

The male personality in the relationship is what holds the union together from a security and financial role. The male personality brings forth the dominance and decisions that the union would need to take for different aspects in life. These personalities are more of the logical and methodical thinking, they are not very emotional and have a very pragmatic approach to life.

The female personality is a care taker and ensures the surroundings of the union is maintained for the emotional and mental serenity. These personalities are emotional, sensitive to talks and touch and have a more heart than head approach to life.

These personalities may exist in both the individuals in a relation but would have a dominated personality that would make them the male or the female personality in the relationship.

Understanding the personality would make the relationship more strong as one would realise their position in the relationship and could work with the other appropriately. We have a lot of other reasons for a person to want to be in a relationship but some of them are not as important as those mentioned above.

We have to look at a relationship as a need for a person to want a partner who can share all their secrets, their thoughts, their dreams and their physical needs without having to succumb to changing their core self. This is the basic need of a relationship and helps the individuals grow in their personality and their relationship too.

A person seeks another for the simple reason of security and comfort. Security for the materialistic and emotional support; and comfort for the one who can strengthen them in times of stress and anxiety.

When these two basic needs are met the bond of the relationship begins and starts to take shape. The next part of the relationship is to sustain and keep it lasting for time or “until death do us apart” scenario.

The maintenance of the relationship is an effort that both the individuals need to put forth to ensure there is harmony. This would entail helping the other with moral, emotional and physical support during the journey. It is not more of the male or less of the female support that makes a relationship, both have to equally contribute to the relation with their personality contributing to the responsibility and maturity required for the relation to last a lifetime or multiple lifetimes (as per the individual beliefs of reincarnation or life after death).

Each step in a relation would be a challenge to the one who is not prepared to understand the core of the relation and what it was formed for. Love is a drop in the ocean of a relation, the maturity of both individuals, sense of appreciation and more importantly the dependence on the other makes the relationship strong.

A relationship between friends would mean there are boundaries that one would keep in interacting with the other and the same applies to a love relation or a relation of benefits.

So why have a close relation when one would have friends to complete the need of social dependability?

The human body is unfortunately not made of the mind only and also has a body to support. The sexual needs of the body have to be addressed and the relationship formed is a core of the sexual needs of both the individuals. If this was possible among friends and there was an understanding of non-commitment then it would have worked among friends of the same or opposite sexes but we are humans and are selfish, we want things that cannot be shared. Especially, when we are in a relationship we treat the other half as our self and do not like to share them with anyone else. This gives rise to the need of fidelity, being in a monogamous and committed relationship. This bond of commitment with the two individuals gives the security and continuity required for the relationship to last the lifetime.

Understanding the mental and physical needs of the individual is key to keeping a relationship to last for a lifetime. Sometimes, the needs are met and over a period of time the two grow out of each other and do not see a need to be in a relationship, committed or not. The separation is evident as the beginning of the relationship was not clearly defined for each of the individuals to be together for the lifetime.

Breakups, divorce are some of the terms we use when the relationship turns sour and has an outcome of ending without continuity. The reasons for this will be shared in the next article to understand why a relationship breaks.

Happiness Quotient

hahahahahaah!!!!

Smile! Its the way to cure the sick, to bring out the love in a person and more importantly to make life more pleasant.

Are we able to be happy 24/7? Would it be possible?

Yes, we can be happy 24/7 and yes, it is possible.

You have to understand the reasons for the emotions in your life and why we chose to be the way we are today. For every good there is a bad and for every moment of happiness, there is a moment of sadness. 

Why?

Because there has to be a balance in the universe and without sadness, you will not be able to understand the quotient of being happy. So how can you be happy 24/7 when you are also needed to be happy?

The answer is to be happy for every moment that you will experience. There is no good or bad, you have to experience each part of life in it's entirety. The experience was gift from the universe for you to learn something new for your life and you can make the difference when you take the time to realise the reason for it's occurrence.

A while ago, I had read a message shared on whatsapp of a bird who was cursed and wanted salvation from the pain. It reads as shared below:

There was a bird who lived in the desert; very sick, no feathers, nothing to eat and drink, no shelter to live and kept on cursing his life day and night.

One day, an Angel was crossing from that desert, bird stopped the Angel and inquired ” where are you going?” Angel replied, ” I am going to meet God”.

So bird asked,” Angel, please ask God when my suffering will come to an end? Angel said, ” Sure, I will” and bid goodbye to the bird. Angel reached God’s place and shared the message of bird to Him.
Angel told Him how pathetic the condition of bird is and inquired when the suffering of the bird will end. God replied, “For the next seven lifetimes, the bird has to suffer like this, no happiness till then”.
Angel said,” When bird hears this, he will get disheartened. Could You suggest any solution for this?”
God replied,” Tell him to recite this mantra….Thank you God for everything”. Angel met the bird again and delivered the message of God to the bird.

After seven days, the Angel passed the same path again and saw that bird was so happy; feathers had grown on his body, a small plant grew up in the desert area, a small pond of water was also there, the bird was singing and dancing cheerfully. Angel was astonished as to how this happened as God said for seven lifetimes, there is no happiness for the bird’… with this question in mind, he went to visit God.

Angel asked his query then God replied, “Yes, it was written there will be no happiness for the bird for seven lifetimes but this has happened because the bird was reciting the mantra ‘Thank you God for everything’ in every situation”.

“When bird fell down on the hot sand, it said… ‘Thank you God for everything’, when it could not fly it said…’Thank you God for everything, so whatever the situation was, the bird kept on repeating…’Thank you God for everything’ and therefore the seven lifetimes’ karma got dissolved in seven days”.

The story gives us a perspective of our life and where we are heading. Do we have to curse ourselves for the negatives that happen or do we have to learn from the negatives and make it positive?

The cure to be happy is to able to smile for our own benefit and learn the reasons for the sadness in our life, accept our karmic progression and build our esteem from there on.

Come attend our one day workshop of Happiness - A Quotient and you will get to witness the best part of your life. Your Smile!

Why

I walk in the park and see many people. The faces tell me a story and I like to read these stories. 

The stories are regular features of hate, love, depression, sadness, remorse and the other parts of life. In one of my walks, I sat by a bench and was in my own thoughts when an elderly gentleman came to sit next to me. He was in pain and I could read the story on his face. Duty bound and looking to better the world, I ventured to speak with him.

"Good evening, sir! Isnt this a beautiful place to be"

I dont think he wanted to speak and shared a mute reaction to my statement. I also did not venture further as it was his choice to be on his own and I should respect it.

I sat there on my own realising we are the cause of the why!

Why did this happen to me? Why am I suffering? Why can't good things happen to me? Why am I always the loser?

The "why" in our lives is a place that we are not able to remove./We chose to make ourselves the victim rather than the winner. By questioning our situation at that moment, we forget to understand the universe and it's creation. And since we fail to understand the universe, we fail to understand ourselves.

The question we could be asking ourselves is, why was I born? why did I get to breathe life? why did the sun rise from the east and set in the west? why do plants have veins on their leaves? why do I have veins inside my skin?

Let your mind wander to the nature of truth and realisation. There is a lot, you and I can learn from nature and we can have ourselves associated with such beauty that we would realise how nature forms the part of our universe. In finding the answers to these questions, we will be better equipped to find the answers of life.

No, we do not have to become a sage or a sanyasi or wander off into the jungle to find the answers. All we need to do it take the time in the course of lives to notice people around us, notice the environment around us. See how life builds itself around us. We are part of the universe, there is a reason for our birth and our lives. Find the purpose of your life, and keep asking the why till you have a suitable answer to it.

The pursuit of the Why will bring you to the feet of your problems which you can dust and walk along with a smile.

Remember, all you need to do is ask, "Why?"

Love – An understanding

"I love you"

"I cannot live without your love"

"Your love makes me complete"

These are some of the most common phrases used to describe love. Yet we see a lot of divorce and separation taking place in the world and people around us.

Do we truly understand the meaning of this word,"LOVE"

As per the dictionary love means:

noun

noun: love; plural noun: loves

1.       a strong feeling of affection.

·         a strong feeling of affection and sexual attraction for someone.

·         affectionate greetings conveyed to someone on one's behalf.

·         a formula for ending an affectionate letter.

2.      a great interest and pleasure in something.

3.      a person or thing that one loves.

4.      (in tennis, squash, and some other sports) a score of zero; nil.

It has become as empty as its meaning, nothing specific and not a direct guide to what the meaning actually is.

The origin of the word is from a German and old English word lufu, which means "desire".

From the definitions shared above we should ask our selves what is the meaning of I love you as a statement. I desire you, I cannot live without your desire, your desire completes me.

Which would seem so worthless for the love to exist forever, the marriage or the relation is bound to end when love has such a shallow interpretation.

Love is about giving and sharing. Not about wanting or taking. A relationship only will last the test of time when there are two or more people who would want to keep giving love to the other instead of being desirous of an expectation from the other.

Love is then a beautiful word that can create ripples in our relation and the person who we want to share the emotion with. It also makes us conscious of who we should love and care for.

LOVE 7, spend 7 minutes of your day telling the person who you think you love, why you love them. It is less than a percent of the time in a day and yet these 7 minutes are going to make the change that your relation has a need for. The choice is in your hands.

You can make the difference by just letting the love flow from a receiving to a giving. From a wanting to an offering. The river flows towards the person and you will see a change in your life. The life that you dreamt of, the love that you wanted by giving the love without any expectation of want.

Love 7 will be your help to change the way you make your life and your relation so much better.

Why should I be a spiritual being?

A normal question that is asked by the multitudes is, “why should I be spiritual?” or “what is spirituality?”

It is explained with simplicity in a single statement, how would I want to be treated if I were to expect others to treat me in the same way?

Some of us without being aware are already following spirituality and are spiritual in our own nature. We do not have to visit temples, churches, mosques or any other religious place to be related to divine and follow divinity. We are beings blessed with the abundance of knowledge and power to make the best of ourselves. See the world around you that you live in and you will see the blessings that you are cherished with.

There is a lot of abundance in the fact of we as beings and spirituality have a connect. While we cannot see or feel the divine in the flesh, many of us have experienced the works of the divine in our daily lives. We have seen the bliss of nature and the acts of god without even realizing it.

Spirituality is very much different to religion, some have an understanding that spirituality is religion. Fortunately, none of the founders of the said religions ever mention or aim to create the religion that is being propagated and followed today. We are lambs of society. For we live in what we are told to believe and not what is being understood to be the truth. Those who chose to reason and understand the ways of god are the ones who are shunned and pushed away till it is a little too late to appreciate them when they were alive.

In simple, spirituality is the search of the divine within one’s self. The truth of the yin and yang within each of us. We do not have to compare or relate to anyone but our very own self. The true spiritual being is independent of all thoughts, words, actions and deeds. He/She lives in the bliss of making themselves happy without selfishness, greedy, bias, hate or treachery. There is nothing to want more than satisfaction in what they have or what they get.

If you find yourself in the description above, you can believe that you are spiritual and are part of the process where the awakening is happening for you and the people you associate with. Be happy and glorious in your existence and provide the space for the others around you to grow in their bliss and happiness. For then, we all would be spiritual, with or without knowing.

Thoughts and Deeds

What you think is what you do!

How many times have we thought of something and it has happened differently?and how many times have we thought and it happened significantly similar.

I cannot imagine a world with no hope, no destiny, no thought. God has been our teacher, our motivator, our inspiration in many ways more than ever and yet we fail to understand his/ her teachings. We follow different paths to acknowledge him, some follow religions, some follow disciplines, some just appreciate him as the divine. There are so many names given to him that it would be less to mention.

And yet we are oblivious to the existence of a deeper power. In a recent interaction with a close friend, Christopher, who happens to be a very successful banker, we shared of our good times as children and as we grew up our destinies chose different paths of contentment. He went on to share that he did well because he dedicated his early years to the knowledge of the earth and the science around it. I on the other hand was more inclined towards the godly benefits of mankind and hence did not prosper as much as he did.

Surprisingly, my son, Rick came running to me and asked me to play ball with him in the backyard. He was insistent that I come and play as Christopher's son, Caldrin was not playing it right and he wanted to show him how to play it. We both made our way to the back yard and saw Christopher was catching the bat and staring at us with anger.

I asked him what was the matter and he was pointing fingers at Rick, saying he was not throwing the ball correctly. They were 5 years young, and were having their own interpretation of the game. Christopher and I looked at each other and gave a wryful smile. I made my way to where they were playing and followed the instructions of Rick. He was throwing the ball correctly and Christopher was not able to connect the ball to the bat. Christopher was almost immediate to shout and asked him to look at the ball and hit it. He did not move away from his comfort and share the comfort with Caldrin. Caldrin just looked at the ball and kept trying but was not able to connet it correctly, in disgust he threw the bat and started to walk away by banging his legs. His father only responded with more words of control and discipline.

I stared at him with an open mouth and did not know what to do. Rick came to me and asked why Christopher was shouting at Caldrin, he only wanted to help him. I had to make my stand clear to Christopher, shouting at children do not make them stronger it makes them weaker. I moved to Caldrin and warmed him with some kind words of praise and comfort. I offered to show him how to hit the ball, he was more than glad to try it with me.

I guided him to hold the bat and I held his hand to firm his grip on the bath, Rick went on to throw some balls at us and I asked him to pitch it slowly. We connected the ball to the bat and he was able to hit it well.

He went on to better it as the number of balls repeated itself and Rick was also delighted on his achievement.

Christopher was joyful on seeing the change in his son and patted him when he was done with batting. He retorted how important it was to concentrate on the ball and not to wander his mind. Caldrin just looked and him and looked away.

I had to explain to Chris that money could not buy him the respect of his son or let alone allow some respect towards him. He needed to spend time with his son and relate to his emotions and feelings with kindness. Formal education gives you the knowledge of everything else but of the self. There is a need to have the clear thoughts for it to manifest into better deeds.

His shouting and screaming was not going to help Caldrin in becoming a better human being, he would be just another robot of the worldly pleasures and becomings.

It is what we groom our children to be for a better tomorrow. No need in earning the millions of dollars when you are penniless in emotions.