Relationships – An understanding

Over the years, we have been subjected to movies, serials, family drama and many more to invite us into being in a relationship. Why do we need a partner in our life?

The need of a relationship of man and women or of the same sexes lies in the part of the individual. We cannot be alone for a long time and live in a society of differences. To have a partner who can listen to us, be with us and support us in our life makes a relationship necessary.

Marriage is only a part of the relationship but it is not the need in today’s age. We have many reasons to be married, security, fidelity, legal needs and more importantly a social status for the self. When these relationships are fulfilled one presumes that marriage is the best way to be in a relationship. But is that enough?

To be in a long lasting relationship, one has to be prepared for the challenges and the differences that the other will bring to the table. There are different aspects of a male and a female in a relationship and also in the same sex relationships, the need is the same.

The male personality in the relationship is what holds the union together from a security and financial role. The male personality brings forth the dominance and decisions that the union would need to take for different aspects in life. These personalities are more of the logical and methodical thinking, they are not very emotional and have a very pragmatic approach to life.

The female personality is a care taker and ensures the surroundings of the union is maintained for the emotional and mental serenity. These personalities are emotional, sensitive to talks and touch and have a more heart than head approach to life.

These personalities may exist in both the individuals in a relation but would have a dominated personality that would make them the male or the female personality in the relationship.

Understanding the personality would make the relationship more strong as one would realise their position in the relationship and could work with the other appropriately. We have a lot of other reasons for a person to want to be in a relationship but some of them are not as important as those mentioned above.

We have to look at a relationship as a need for a person to want a partner who can share all their secrets, their thoughts, their dreams and their physical needs without having to succumb to changing their core self. This is the basic need of a relationship and helps the individuals grow in their personality and their relationship too.

A person seeks another for the simple reason of security and comfort. Security for the materialistic and emotional support; and comfort for the one who can strengthen them in times of stress and anxiety.

When these two basic needs are met the bond of the relationship begins and starts to take shape. The next part of the relationship is to sustain and keep it lasting for time or “until death do us apart” scenario.

The maintenance of the relationship is an effort that both the individuals need to put forth to ensure there is harmony. This would entail helping the other with moral, emotional and physical support during the journey. It is not more of the male or less of the female support that makes a relationship, both have to equally contribute to the relation with their personality contributing to the responsibility and maturity required for the relation to last a lifetime or multiple lifetimes (as per the individual beliefs of reincarnation or life after death).

Each step in a relation would be a challenge to the one who is not prepared to understand the core of the relation and what it was formed for. Love is a drop in the ocean of a relation, the maturity of both individuals, sense of appreciation and more importantly the dependence on the other makes the relationship strong.

A relationship between friends would mean there are boundaries that one would keep in interacting with the other and the same applies to a love relation or a relation of benefits.

So why have a close relation when one would have friends to complete the need of social dependability?

The human body is unfortunately not made of the mind only and also has a body to support. The sexual needs of the body have to be addressed and the relationship formed is a core of the sexual needs of both the individuals. If this was possible among friends and there was an understanding of non-commitment then it would have worked among friends of the same or opposite sexes but we are humans and are selfish, we want things that cannot be shared. Especially, when we are in a relationship we treat the other half as our self and do not like to share them with anyone else. This gives rise to the need of fidelity, being in a monogamous and committed relationship. This bond of commitment with the two individuals gives the security and continuity required for the relationship to last the lifetime.

Understanding the mental and physical needs of the individual is key to keeping a relationship to last for a lifetime. Sometimes, the needs are met and over a period of time the two grow out of each other and do not see a need to be in a relationship, committed or not. The separation is evident as the beginning of the relationship was not clearly defined for each of the individuals to be together for the lifetime.

Breakups, divorce are some of the terms we use when the relationship turns sour and has an outcome of ending without continuity. The reasons for this will be shared in the next article to understand why a relationship breaks.

Relationships - A Need or Greed!

We are human beings born with the need of being closely associated with another being. It could be our parents, our siblings, friends or associates. But we have to be associated with someone. We have studied, played, worked,  laughed and cried with the people we are associated with and feel close to.

Over the last few decades, the machine has taken over this need and is distancing us from the people we chose to make us feel happy or smile. Our talks are now chats, our meetings are virtual, our relationships are online and our smiles are now smileys. This void is giving us the feeling of loneliness, even though we have a 1000 friends on facebook we are still yearning for time to smile with a single person. We may be sharing a lot of smiles, but we are yearning to smile in the real world.

When the distance is created we are creating a void within our self and this leads to more complicated lifestyles. Our mental disorder leads to physical ailments and there on to extreme behaviours. The blue whale game is the recent example. While the game is only the tip of the iceberg, there is a bigger problem in hand. Why are we attracted to the online web and get entangled in it where we stop to miss the real world and live an empty life.

How do we cure this problem?

We need to understand the base of a relationship and why we want to participate in the process. It can be with your parents, siblings, a lover or spouse, friends or colleagues in your work place. The disturbance in a relationship is caused when there is less respect for the individual and there is a drain of the love that is being received.

A relationship is on the basis of respect and sharing of love, not of asking for love. Be it with a relative or with an unknown. The more we learn to give in terms of time, attention, respect and trust, the stronger the relationship builds and that is the key to it.

Sometimes, our greed of selfishness is what causes the relationship to break down and make dents which lead to a broken relationship.

How do we understand where to draw the line?

TART strategy - Time Attention Respect Trust

Time - When you are with a person face to face, dedicate the time to the person for all that the said moment is worth.

Attention - Give the person all the attention that you can allow the person to make them feel comfortable in your presence

Respect - Respect them for their views, not necessary that you have to agree to it. But it is their thinking and we should choose to agree that we can have opposing views to a single point.

Trust - Trust your instincts to make the right decision when you are here and allow you to trust the person with the resources available to you and give them an opportunity to trust you too.

Not a process that can be incorporated in a day but we are creating the path for us to develop it better.

Connect with us to attend our 1 day workshop on building relationships to make this possible for you to achieve happiness in your relationship (Friendship, Marriage, Business, Parent-Child, Personal)

Life is for a smile, let's get some in our relationship too

Kiss with a Smile

I think every individual on this planet believes in Love. They may not believe in god or the government but love is one hidden power that crumbles the hardest of hearts and brightens the darkest of days.

The puppy love, the crush, the yearning of the touch for the person you are in love with. It is a magical feeling when it starts. Smiles are but a natural being because there is a lot of happenings in the inside. The late night talks just doesnt matter to the hours of sleep lost. The mobile bills just doesnt matter to the long talks. The walk in the park, beach or pavement is a walk in a garden.

Love has a funny way to make things seem more beautiful than what it was meant to be. And we all have had our share of that puppy love and the real love too. It can kill all the negativity that exists in one's mind and bring out the best in their performance and outlook to life. The smile it brings to each person is imaculate and beautiful to all its beings.

But have you ever stopped to think... No one can kiss with a smile. When you kiss, you loose your smile!

A kiss is the passion shared between two lovers. It doesnt matter who the lover is, the kiss is the most personal touch that two friends share that begins their journey into the depths of their emotions and to a life together(Hopefully!!) as lovers or couple.

When the start is without a smile, what ensures that the  journey will be with smiles forever. There is but a strong signal to suggest that the journey of life will be with hurdles and no smiles. It doesnt mean you dont have to enjoy the journey or that your partner is not right for you. It means you have to work to make it better.

Like a kiss, sometimes you have to make the first move and close your eyes. Touch, feel and let the magic happen. It is not without effort that a marriage or a relationship will build itself to the years of happiness in photographs. A lot of work and effort goes into it. 

Do you know that when you kiss, you loose around 7-9 calories a minute which glorifies the number to about 400-500 calories an hour. You loose weight in sharing time with your loved one. What better form of exercise can anyone suggest?

But like the calories lost, the relationship is building with every kiss that you share with your loved one. There is going to be effort and the effort starts with a kiss.

Rendez-vous

Walking through a mall on a weekend in India is like going to a market for shopping these days. We have to wait for parking if we go later than 6 pm. The crowds are thronging at the food court, the few seats we get to see along the aisles are also occupied but the shops are not crowded with buyers.

It got my wife to think what would people do if there were no malls today. She asked me, "What would you and your friends do when you were in college?". My instant reply was that we would roam in our colony and take long walks to just stand a gate of the building and have a gala time of the things done or make one the scapegoat for the moment.

She was right to point that people have taken malls as the new destination to meet with friends and spend the evening or even a day. There was no charge to enter the mall and the air conditioning was free on a hot/ rainy/ cold day. The new generation has figured a better alternative to being confined to their buildings/ society / colony to spend time with friends.

Not only the young college going generations but also people of all ages are following the same principle, in note, as we went to observe. We saw the elderly in with their children and grandchildren, young couples holding hands or carrying their new borns. Office going crowd was always the most in the malls but in the groups their came with differed as we noticed.

Once we put our finger on this thought, we shared the same with some close friends and their experiences were even more interesting. Seemingly, one of them was called to the food court in a mall for an interview with an HR recruitment agency and yet another was comfortable to meet a person who her mother asked her to meet for marriage and to get to know the person. She felt that a food court in a mall is well crowded and she would feel safe in the midst of the multitude.

This was a new thought for us to think that every weekend, we too would visit a different mall in Mumbai. The distance to travel was enjoyed with some music and conversation of what happened in the week or just normal life conversations or just abusing the administration of the bad roads and upkeep of the city.

The point is we all have evolved in the way we meet and greet our friends and well wishers. The mall style has changed the way we observe the relationship with a friend or with an acquaintance. Think about it!!!

A Friend in Deed!!

Have you ever had a friend who was like your mirror in real life? Someone who would understand your feelings before you knew it? Someone who would share your happiness just like you would want it?

I have never had such a friend until recently and our friendship has become so strong that no matter what the fights or the differences we always end up smiling and laughing at the end of the day.

We knew each other by names for a few years and never had the will to speak to the other for the time. Seemingly, the thought was that the other was very pompous and proud and avoided each other. We never thought that we would ever become friends in life but we did and we became more than friends, we fell in love and got married as well.

She has the start and end of any discussion we have and it mostly has to be done her way but sometimes I do nudge in my thoughts and approvals as well. There are long days and there are short days, but through it all we manage to keep the smile. I cant remember a week or a month where we haven't fought and the same month we have pleasant memories of smiling and laughing our hearts out as well..

I have to be humble when I say, she may be right most of the times but is also human to be wrong sometimes. She can keep things cleaner than Monica (Friends Serial) and can be even more irritating than Ross(Friends Serial) but through it all she is as loving and caring as can be.

I suffer from a back ailment where I get sudden back spasms when lifting weight or sitting in a stationary position for long. There has never been a day or time when she has refused to help ease the pain by massaging my back and applying a hot water bag to it. Anytime, that I am hurt or dejected, she is always there to lift my spirits and assure me that things will get better and happiness is just around the corner.

She has a way with things and would be a child when it comes to enjoying. We have a common liking for animated movies and she has a liking to cook. She loves to cook and can churn out some of the most delicious dishes that I have ever tasted. I can proudly blame her for me adding 14 kgs to my hip line after we got married.

Recently, we went to a park with our son to spend a day. My son loves to play in the grass and crawl all over the place. It was amazing to see her toss and roll with him and the sight was of joy and happiness, she kept asking, "Why are you smiling?" and I had no words to describe to her the feeling I had.

Jean has been the strength and the weakness that I can proudly say is what keeps me afloat. A "Thank You" to her would be too less to show gratitude but all that I could do is make her proud in everything that I do.