Love 7

Love 7

It is this life that we live and we live it only once.

The happenings in the world today make one depressed with the killings, the hate, the anger and the multitude of feelings that come when we look at the news channel. In all of this, we forget to look next to us.

The house we live in, the family we share our meals with, the office we go to, the transportation we use to reach our destinations.

There is so much of love and kindness around us, we just have to touch this one part of our lives to feel blessed and the we see our world change around us.

Love is not about receiving but about giving. If each one of us could time to express the gratitude and love we have for the other, we could see a change in our lives. There is only one person who can make the change and the person is "I".

Love 7, is not a thought or an obligation. It is the 7 minutes of the day that we can spare for our family, friends, relatives, associates or well wishers. The time we take to say a good thing about them.

Imagine if you have 7 people telling you good things about your self in a day, wouldn't that be a place of heaven for you. Would you like to make this heaven for someone you know.

Spend 7 minutes to say 7 things good about the person you know. Even if it is someone you hate or dislike you may spend sometime to say something good about the person in your mind. Do not have to go and say it in the open. You can have a conversation with yourself to say something good to them.

We can change the world and its misfortunes only if we change ourselves and the people around us.

Love 7

To have, To Receive and To Get

In a day and age of having the best for yourself is a norm. People try different means and methods to have a get rich quick fix. We forget to live our lives in the quest to get rich and show our friends and family. To have the materialistic gains is what we have aimed our destiny.

I was made to believe the materialistic way of life is the place for all to be until I met Saraswati. She is a regular person without any hopes of making it big in the world with a simple understanding of life and the hurdles she faces.

I had to go to the outskirts of Mumbai on work and was waiting at a tea stall for the workers to come. While I was waiting, a lady came with a basket on her head and a baby in her arms. She asked the tea stall lady to help her get the basket down and lay it on the ground.

She went ahead to arrange the basket laden with toys and women's accessories. She was preparing herself sell her goods in the village near by. I was sitting and observing her as she did her work.

As she was getting her basket ready, her daughter, 1 year 5 months young, lay on her lap and slept soundly. She kept to her work of readying the basket and also caring for her daughter. It was a sight to see, how she was making an effort to earn her livelihood. I was only amazed at the courage this lady was showing in the world of material craze with the simple products she kept in her basket to sell.

I approached her and asked her why she was doing so much to make a living. She could have easily stood on the streets like a beggar and made a lot more money. She looked at me with a smile and said, "Sahab, God has gifted me with everything I need to earn my living, why should I beg for my living?" I was shocked and awed by her courage. Her answer had made a dent in my belief that the world is getting worse by the day and humanity is a dying phenomenon. Her ability to live life without the need to have the abundance of money but to have the abundance of time with her child and family was truly mind changing.

Saraswati said, she works 5 hours every day except sunday, when her husband would get an off from work and the time would be spent with family on that day. She carries her baby everywhere she goes and does all the work to ensure her child gets a decent education, something she was not allowed to do since she was a girl. Saraswati was the youngest of three siblings and the only girl. Her brothers were educated and worked in the city, where as she was not sent to school beyond class 8th as her father didn't think it was a worthwhile investment.

Saraswati was not in the shadow of being dejected of depressed with the treatment meted out to her because of her sex. Her ability to stand up and earn her living was proof in itself, to show her strength to fight the world around her in a subtle but defined manner. She was a deity in her actions.

I listened with an open mouth and a head held high to her life and her living. Her mother in law and family were very strict and didnt allow her to move out too often. She had to make them known that she wanted to do it for her and her child's happiness. She said she was blessed with an understanding husband who supported her in her wants and needs of being independent.

I was truly blessed to be within the aura of such a person in my lifetime. A person who showcased strength and courage when the world around her was only trying to pull her down. May the world be blessed for having a person like Saraswati to have, to receive and to get what we deserve and not what we want. 

Who Am I?

The ceiling seems like a painting of pictures and moving images that keep floating in front of me.

It is not the ceiling which is showing me the images but my mind that is wandering in the garden of its thoughts and bringing back the memories that were created from the depths of my past.

Its been a long wait to receive the answer to my question. Who am I?

I have been asking myself this question for a very long time and can't remember when this urge started. I am a successful professional and am developing my skills as I move along in life. BUT who am I?

I have been given a name, a status in society, a family to look after, a love to cherish and everything that one needs in this materialistic world to exist. But who am I?

There must be a sense of purpose to our existence, to why we were born on this planet. The understanding of our purpose is still undefined. There are different modalities and courses that one can follow but do they really have the answer to my question, who am I?

I cannot really figure it out, is there a destiny to be fulfilled? Is there a path to be found? Is there a purpose at all? Am I supposed to do something? I do not know.

I live the unanswered question and walk without a sense of purpose. The job, the work, the family love and tenderness, the friends and associates, the meetings and greetings, why are we living a life to have nothing at the end; or is there something at the end?

Science can never cheat death, Money can never render comfort, Knowledge is limitless, Understanding is misunderstood. Time is used to measure a person and not the day, Money defines your status in society and not your ability to live, skills are defined by the work you can share with others and not what you can do for your self.

Everything around me speaks of things that are external to myself. There is never a syllabus or a teaching of understanding the self, learning about me, knowing the feelings and emotions that I carry.

No government or legislation, no corporate or business house, ever looks to sell you products or services that can help you grow personally. It is always to look, feel, understand and appreciate the other person.

I still have the question, who am I? What is my purpose? Why am I here?

Do you?

The answer lies in asking ourselves questions about the past that we experienced. The learnings we took from the good and bad experiences we had, did we learn from them or sit brooding over an experience that has no possibility of a change?

The struggle of life is not with the problem but the solution.

We choose to live in the problem for as long as we can and never figure a solution to the problem. Let me cite it with an example of your understanding. We had an experience of someone hurting us emotionally or physically. Did we choose to sit and cry and contemplate ways of returning the hurt and pain without really acting over it?

The truth is we do not have to focus on the revenge but to see what was the reason for the incident to occur with the "I". How could you improve yourself such that there is a better lead into the process the next time it occurs. This will lead you to understand yourself better.

This is the first step to truly understanding what you are good at and what you need to work on to make yourself better and stronger.

The rest unfolds itself as you keep asking and questioning your reactions to each situation.

The Silent Goodbye

It never did matter what was said or the action done. She lay there in tears waiting for the touch of his hand and the warmth of his hug that was never to be.

It had been 3 years since they were married and had the said the "I Do". The occasion of one of the most remembered among the invited and it was a joyous occasion. Sharon had remembered the day she walked towards her husband to be, Keith and was so happy that they were going to be united in matrimony. Keith, had the smile that would have lit a thousand lights and was as happy as Sharon in having her by his side.

They had been dating for 3 years and the love had mushroomed from friendship of 8 years and then to the closeness of lovers and now fidelity in matrimony. They never thought the day would be a reality but it was to become their day of reckoning.

Keith was a man of love and had a number of flings before he knew that his search for the "one" had been futile and his best friend had always been the one. He was the one who was longing to get married but somehow did not like the girls that came into his life.

Sharon was the domestic, docile girl who was not the outgoing type. She loved to sit at home and cook more than going to restaurants for dinner with friends. She was always more lively when it came to creating things on canvas and on various crafts.

Keith and Sharon were out on a dinner when the he put the proposal during desert and she had a scoop of ice cream in her mouth which prevented her to answer or react. She had the blank face of a child when asked a question that they didnt know the answer to. She had known him for years and had a liking towards him but never professed it.

Her silence had woven a web in Keith's mind and he was not sure if he had jeopardized their friendship in the hope of sealing their relationship of friendship in matrimony. She called him 3 days later and shared her positive feedback to be by his side till death do them apart.

The reply was all that could and would make him a complete man, with love by his side, he felt the world was an oyster for him. They were married in a few months and their love was blooming with everyday that bore a new flower and a new reason for them to fall in love with each other again.

It was a love of the ages that was dawning on them. Until the fated evening....

Sharon was as usual cooking dinner and waiting for Keith to return home from work. It was the weekend and Keith loved the weekends, to enjoy with friends and family. She had prepared his favorite chicken dish and had the beers chilled to start on the evening celebrations. The mobile phone ring changed her life to be; it was her brother who was calling her and asked her where she was.

She felt weird to be asked where she was but replied she was at home and waiting for Keith to arrive. She confirmed before he could say anything that they would be meeting her on the Sunday afternoon at her mother's place for lunch. He replied he was on his way over to her place and would be there shortly.

He reached there with his mother whose eyes were sore from a lot of crying. Sharon was astonished to see her mother in the state and asked what was wrong. Her mother gestured her to sit and asked her brother to tell Sharon what had happened.

Her brother narrated how Keith was on his way home and he met with an accident. It was not his fault from the look of it but a truck driver had lost control of his vehicle and slammed into Keith's car from the back. the impact was so hard that the car was badly damaged. Keith was in the hospital and in the critical care unit.

Sharon trembled on hearing the news and rushed to the hospital with her mother and brother. She saw him there and was in tears at the state he was in. The doctors said he was on a watch for 48 hours and only god could help from here on.

She held him in her arms and stayed by him through his last breath. He didnt make it through the time given and said his goodbye in silence.

His silence was all that took for a goodbye that was otherwise said with a kiss and a hug that would crush her when he lifted her. The goodbye that he said everyday and the hello that was repeated in the same fashion, everyday for three years.

It never did matter what was said or the action done. She lay there in tears waiting for the touch of his hand and the warmth of his hug that was never to be, in the bed.

The New Teacher

I have a 1 year young son and he has been teaching me everyday since he was born. I am proud to say that I am the student of my child.

He has the weird but unknown strength to be free of stress, fear, anger and hate. Not saying he does not throw a tantrum but it vanishes as soon as it arrives.

I was first set to the learning from children with my nephews, now 8 and 6 years young. They had the unknowing capacity to teach me to tell the truth and I always believed in speaking the truth from there on.Honesty

Lesson 1:
Smile no matter what: 
When he was 2-3 months young, he had the most beautiful smile on his face and he would manage to smile only by seeing or feeling his surroundings. He had the routine crying of wanting milk or change of diapers or wanting to sleep. But his other cries would always be followed with a smile, as though he was thanking the person for fulfilling his need. 

Even to date, he has the uncanny ability to smile after crying. He was never thought how to smile but his ability to bring a smile on the people around him, is unprecedented and holy.

This is the first lesson my child thought me

Lesson 2:
Forget the wrongs and learn to smile: 
He will never be angry with anyone for long. Even if they would shout or scream, which scares him the most. He would have the nerve to go to the person and tap them on their hand or legs and smile at them.

His gesture of love and kindness is noticed by all no one would appreciate that we have to do this in our daily lives as well. This is the Second lesson I learnt from him.

Lesson 3:
Love those who matter to you, NO Matter what:
As he started to grow, his naughtiness and pranks have started. From trying to break our mobile phones to putting almost everything in his mouth and hitting almost anything and anyone.

Every time he is scolded or corrected by me or my wife, he bursts into tears and goes to the one who scolded him. He will approach us and give us a hug and look of affection to say he is sorry. On seeing this, we unknowingly go into an apologetic process and make him smile. There on correcting him not to do it. There is no stopping on his ways and he continues to be scolded day in and night out but his way of not walking away from the one who matter to him, his parents has taught me a valuable lesson.

He has some knowledge of who we are and knows that we matter to him the most. No matter what happens, he refuses to let go of us and wants us even in anger and pain.

There are so many more that he keeps teaching us as we wake up each morning to be with him. 

"Child is the father of man", "A Child gives birth to a Mother" are sayings that are true to each and every letter in the sentence. We have been given the opportunity to be his parents and not the vice-versa. 

Rendez-vous

Walking through a mall on a weekend in India is like going to a market for shopping these days. We have to wait for parking if we go later than 6 pm. The crowds are thronging at the food court, the few seats we get to see along the aisles are also occupied but the shops are not crowded with buyers.

It got my wife to think what would people do if there were no malls today. She asked me, "What would you and your friends do when you were in college?". My instant reply was that we would roam in our colony and take long walks to just stand a gate of the building and have a gala time of the things done or make one the scapegoat for the moment.

She was right to point that people have taken malls as the new destination to meet with friends and spend the evening or even a day. There was no charge to enter the mall and the air conditioning was free on a hot/ rainy/ cold day. The new generation has figured a better alternative to being confined to their buildings/ society / colony to spend time with friends.

Not only the young college going generations but also people of all ages are following the same principle, in note, as we went to observe. We saw the elderly in with their children and grandchildren, young couples holding hands or carrying their new borns. Office going crowd was always the most in the malls but in the groups their came with differed as we noticed.

Once we put our finger on this thought, we shared the same with some close friends and their experiences were even more interesting. Seemingly, one of them was called to the food court in a mall for an interview with an HR recruitment agency and yet another was comfortable to meet a person who her mother asked her to meet for marriage and to get to know the person. She felt that a food court in a mall is well crowded and she would feel safe in the midst of the multitude.

This was a new thought for us to think that every weekend, we too would visit a different mall in Mumbai. The distance to travel was enjoyed with some music and conversation of what happened in the week or just normal life conversations or just abusing the administration of the bad roads and upkeep of the city.

The point is we all have evolved in the way we meet and greet our friends and well wishers. The mall style has changed the way we observe the relationship with a friend or with an acquaintance. Think about it!!!

Tongues of Thorns and Petals

"Why are you getting disturbed with what I have said? It was nothing to get angry about." I didnt realise why would she get angry with me for something as trivial as a statement, " The rice was not cooked properly, maybe next time I should make it".

Have you ever thought of why the person would get disturbed by the words that are being spoken by you. There are times when we really cant understand why people are so sensitive to the words used in our statements.

Last year, we had a case in Mumbai where a political leader passed away due to old age and a couple of girls made a very daunting remark against him on facebook. It was surprising to learn that they were imprisoned and made to endure mental anguish over the comment. The followers of the political leader took it into their stance to ensure the family and relatives of the girls were subject to public humiliation.

Luckily for them, there were high and mighty supporters who supported their freedom of speech and had the case against them revoked. The said party also had the ire of the public when the whole nation was in uproar against the said act.

I am not condoning what the girls did or praising the followers of going the right path. It was a simple statement that should not have had anything more than request to delete the comment. But think from the point of the people who read the comment and made their actions follow. If the comment was not placed in the broad forum, maybe the girls would not have been subjected to the harrowing experience for themselves and their families. Especially in an emotionally charged society as ours.

An example of this isolated case maybe just the tip of the ice berg. There are many such instances that happen in our daily lives that dont lead up to such drastic events that have a dire result. We need to look at our daily lives and the conversations that take place in our homes, offices, malls, shops, road, etc.

More than the listener, I think the person who is saying the words should be careful and not use words that may hurt the sentiment of the other. Not because of what the other person may think, but just as a matter of respect for the individual. 

The other reason for one to be careful with their words is because once it is said, it can never be taken back. The wrong words can and will be held against the person who is saying it. Examples as mentioned above and  our very own politicians who say something in public but later retract their statement. Their excuse is that the media reported it wrongly and was misinterpreted. While their example is not to be followed it is an example to learn from.

A man/woman who says one thing and does another is a person of low value and principles. Such people loose faith and trust very often in their surroundings. In contrary, one who stands by what he/she says and follows it in principle is always worthy of the others trust.

While in college, I had a classmate who would boast of being good in every sport that one would speak of. His boasts were brought to light when there was sporting event and invariably he would hurt himself in the first practise session and would attribute his bad performance to the injury. While we didnt make much of it once or twice, the repeated action and motive of just gaining fame out of his boasts, the truth came to light at a later stage and he was humiliated when he never made the team.

We speak to share our thoughts but we never try to protect the words that are spoken. We fence our houses to be warded off by trespassers, we lock away our valuables to avoid it being stolen. We polish our cars so that it shines in the glorious view of the envious. Why can we not safeguard our words in order for it to be safe from the world and its abuse?

The world is a beautiful place but with people who are there to take advantage of what you say. If we were to churn the thorns from our words and turn them to petals would we not be altruist in our ways. Words of thanks, praise, appreciation, gratitude and honesty are often missed in a conversation.

Would not the world be a better place if we were to share kind words rather than harsh hurting words? If we start the practise at home it will spread its tentacles to the coffers of the office and the other places that we visit. 

Would the anger and hate that exists in individuals not be vanquished when these tongues of petal are not put to use more often? It creates a thought in my mind to why would we not be able to say such words of kindness and avoid the words that bring the confidence of people down or hurt their sentiments.

We then have a road to choose, do we want to use the tongues of thorns or of petals. The outcome is very indicative of what is to be.... It is your choice!