The Inconsequent Logic

The door opens and I wait for the step to be, it is not what I expect but I am glad for it is made. I wait to enter the place that I will call my office. My place of learning and enduring.

Since I was a child, I was always intrigued with where my dad would go out every morning and return in the evening. Sometimes, he would let me accompany him for a while at his office to be part of his day. Being an engineer, he always had charts and matrices on his wall and spoke in an engineering lingo that I would listen to with an awe.

I lived through my childhood to wait for the day that I would be part of the brigade that was fueling the world economy into moving ahead. The work force, the employee tag, the Id card, the visiting card. The place that would make me a self accomplished individual.

It started, and I was enjoying every day. I would enter and be there to learn. I would spend more hours than necessary to learn the ways and yearned to be the best.

I ensured, I followed all the logical decisions to ensure a career path that was described in the books and magazines, I read. I was making the greens and I was doing well for myself. 

Life was going good and there were no regrets, I could now stand next to my father and say I am also part of the same work force that you have been with for the majority of your life.

But I was not happy. There was a sense of lose in me. Something was not right, I was in a good place. I had money, friends and time. What more could one ask for? Isn't that what we were taught since we were infants, that we have to be successful in life. That life is defined by the bank balance you have. Well, we may not have been told directly, but it always is part of the scale that measures ones success in life.

I had it all, yet I didnt feel successful. I was living a dream life yet I was sad from inside. Was there a need for a companion in my life to fulfill it? Was it that the job I was into was not fulfilling? Were the friends I had depressing me? I could not put my finger on it.

The missing piece evaded me for years and I kept avoiding it until it was too late. I started to do bad at work, didn't really have a healthy relationship with anyone. I missed out on the laughter and was marooned in my own head, "What is it that is getting me down?" I would constantly ask myself.

It seemed futile to even think about it and I was to give up, until one day I thought of all the "JOBS" that I did, were all logical choices that was made, there was no illogical behaviour or pattern in it. There were a lot of decisions in my life that had logic to it and very few that did not have logic.

I reversed it and started to make illogical decisions, and followed my heart instead of my head. Surprisingly, without my conscious knowledge I was getting back to being the same person I was when I started my career. My life was filled with the same enthusiasm and thrills that existed when I had just crossed the threshold of employment.

It was not the world around me that had changed, it was me that was drifting away from the rules of the world and making my own. I had lost that part of me and it was eating me from the inside.

No more was I sad or missing anything in my life. I followed my gut instinct instead of the education and logical deductions for all my decisions there on.

Today, I am in a much better place and there are opportunities that are unexplored and I can only fathom what would lie ahead.

The illogical heart was my saving grace and my redeemer. I owe my life to it!